Haley had her 16th birthday party on Nov. 30.
"Dad, I can't believe you did this. We saw it FROM THE DOOR of the school. This is so embarrassing."
After we went to the DMV and got the license -- props to the state of Iowa for getting us in and out of there in under 30 minutes -- the party hours were to be 7 to 11:30. The first guests arrived at 6:35. Haley came sprinting into the family room and started wildly motioning for me to go upstairs and mouthing "THEY'RE HERE!" Apparently I'm the Medusa-like parent -- the mere glimpse of Mr. Old and Gross Father would turn the guests to stone.
I told Haley maybe I should go out the garage and up a ladder, through her upstairs bedroom window and crawl commando style across to my bedroom. Haley: "Could you?"
Everything was fine until about 10:30 when Male Behavior broke out. It's always the uninvited, isn't it? Always the interlopers. Rhonda and I heard "they're fighting" and we were down out of our room like a shot.
Being male myself, I knew EXACTLY what was going on. Two or more guys were having a testosterone-off that was likely fueled by demon alcohol. Happens all the time. Alcohol and testosterone is Satan's cocktail, I tell ya.
Let the record show, your honor, that the alcohol was consumed somewhere other than my property, and was transported onto my property already in the bloodstream of said individuals. If it please the court.
First of all, it was out front of the house. Second of all it was a verbal fight, not a physical fight. Third of all, you should have seen Rhonda. She went charging into the pack like the alpha female. Showing her self. I had never been more proud and more, well, let's not get into that here.
As I walked with urgency out the door, I heard one of the partiers say "her parents are coming" which is what I wanted to hear someone say. Announcing the arrival of the adults is often enough to quell goofy behavior or at least get them to take it somewhere where I'm not legally liable.
There were some guys in Car A who were saying unpleasant things to some guys on the sidewalk and it might have been GO TIME but the parents arrived so everyone generally sped off. (I think the boys in Car A had been drinking, as evidenced by the beer can that was hurled out of said vehicle.)
Once again, let the record show, they were consuming said alcohol in a vehicle not owned by me or any of my affiliates or designees while it was parked on a public roadway adjacent to, but not included in, my property, if it please the court.
Now if you're a boy on foot you have to run to your car and speed off after the insulters, if only to give the impression that you are going to chase them down and kick ass! When, in fact, usually, you speed off after them and then turn the opposite direction at the first opportunity.
So everyone sped off and it was all over. Haley was a little upset that her party ended thusly, and I can't blame her for that. But she handled it well, I thought. Her and her remaining posse -- the real friends as opposed to the party hangers on -- went to another safe house to finish their evening.
A Sweet 16 lesson, Party+Teenagers=Drama. Pretty low drama on the scale of it, but still. Haley said she had fun right up until the Male Behavior broke out. Even after that it was OK. The mom at the friends' house they all went to made her a birthday pizza. Apparently her friends' moms are not as Madusa like as we are. Hmmmmmm.