Welcome to New Hampshire. pressdog® beer of the race is Long Hammer India Pale Ale from Red Hook Ale Brewery, Portsmouth, NEW HAMPSHIRE! Granite State holllaaaah.
Rain is coming so we're about to go green when the ABC broadcast fires up. So let's go right to the Trackside Online starting line up. Trackside Online is a subscription news service that covers every IndyCar race and many major tests in person. Just $22 for a calendar year of super tasty original content including photos. Be like the pdog and subscribe today.
2. (2) Oriol Servia, Dallara-Honda, 169.831
3. (82) Tony Kanaan, Dallara-Honda, 169.698
4. (06) James Hinchcliffe, Dallara-Honda, 169.590
5. (28) Ryan Hunter-Reay, Dallara-Honda, 169.570
6. (6) Ryan Briscoe, Dallara-Honda, 169.451
7. (9) Scott Dixon, Dallara-Honda, 169.114
8. (5) Takuma Sato, Dallara-Honda, 169.044
9. (3) Helio Castroneves, Dallara-Honda, 168.886
10. (83) Charlie Kimball, Dallara-Honda, 168.434
11. (4) JR Hildebrand, Dallara-Honda, 168.047
12. (27) Mike Conway, Dallara-Honda, 167.852
13. (12) Will Power, Dallara-Honda, 167.011
14. (19) Alex Lloyd, Dallara-Honda, 166.877
15. (7) Danica Patrick, Dallara-Honda, 166.834
16. (77) Alex Tagliani, Dallara-Honda, 166.809
17. (59) EJ Viso, Dallara-Honda, 166.536
18. (22) Tomas Scheckter, Dallara-Honda, 166.381
19. (14) Vitor Meira, Dallara-Honda, 166.253
20. (18) James Jakes, Dallara-Honda, 165.265
21. (24) Ana Beatriz, Dallara-Honda, 164.958
22. (26) Marco Andretti, Dallara-Honda, 164.722
23. (38) Graham Rahal, Dallara-Honda, 163.816
24. (34) Sebastian Saavedra, Dallara-Honda, 162.285
25. (67) Ed Carpenter, Dallara-Honda, 161.734
26. (78) Simona de Silvestro, Dallara-Honda, 157.437
27. (30) Pippa Mann, Dallara-Honda, no speed
Pippa Mann did not start after crashing in practice. She's OK but has to have an MRI on Monday in Indy before she can be cleared to drive again. Get well soon, Pippster.
MoveThatBlock.com guys give the command and we're rolling. Jamie Little and her man-killing ponytail are in the HOUSE. The crowd looks super sparse, even though the track president estimated it at 30,000. Believable because I think NHMS is a pretty cavernous place.
Rain is coming, so let's light this candle. We're ... green green green.
No, Cue the circus music! because we're yellow yellow yellow. Conway goes ass around on the start and collects Rahal. Replay. Conway on the gas, spins like a top, Ed, Simona and Danica have to go to Evasive Maneuver Gulf Bravo Sierra to avoid the crash. Rahal dives low and ... BAM. "It all comes to tears" as the Brits say.
Replays. Onboard with Danica who at one point can't see shit due to the smoke from sliding tires. She probably pretty much held her breath, went straight and was happy to bust through the fog un-impacted.
A tiny toy store delivery van pulls up and 19 clowns jump out and spin a giant top shaped like an IndyCar that takes out the safety truck transporting Rahal back to the pits.
Lap 7 -- The Festival of Carbon Fiber is cleared up, so let's go back to green-green-green ... er ... Cue the circus music! Helio pulled a Conway. Gassed it, ass around, just a passenger. A little suspension damage. A tiny produce truck pulls up and 16 clowns jump out and start throwing empty banana skins around the track in preparation for the next green.
Speaking of, Lap 12 -- GREEN. Hey, we made a whole lap! Dario INSTANTLY jumps to hyperspace and is up 1.4 seconds on Hinch, who inhaled Servia on the start.
Servia and Scheckter get around Hinch on lap 13. Hinch and Scheckter commence a knife fight for P3.
Lap 19 -- Dario is up by 1.7 seconds on P2. Has the wings back in the delta and is supersonic. Danica gets air. Helio was behind the wall for repairs and comes back out, 12 laps down.
Lap 20 -- Dario, Servia, Hinch, Scheckter, RHR, Kanaan, Dixon, Sato, Briscoe, Tagliani.
Lap 25 -- Dario INHALES Ed and Bia. Starting to lap people after 11 laps of green. Kimball and Marco fight for P 14.
Lap 30 -- Dario is up by five seconds on P2. Has lapped to P15. May be driving with his feet.
Lap 34 -- JR and Danica fight for P10, end up going high-low around Alex Lloyd who is lapped.
Ed is being inhaled repeatedly. Clearly having a shitty day. Power is P12 and Danica is P11. RHR works on Oriol for P2 ... NO.
Lap 40 -- Dario, Servia, RHR, Hinch, Sato, Tony, Dixon, Scheckter, Briscoe, JR.
Lap 41 -- Hinch inhales RHR for P3.
Lap 43 -- Dario laps Tags in P13. May lap the field if we stay green. Hinch looking for P2 and gets it on lap 46.
Lap 50 -- Dario is 9.2 seconds ahead of the field. That's the definition of issuing a beat down. About to lap Power. Simona is pigged out. Sorry, but she's going roughly half the speed of smell. Festival of Being Inhaled.
Danica and Briscoe are warring for P9.
Lap 55 -- Sato and RHR two-wide for P4. RHR on the high side and has to lift. But then comes right back and overtakes Sato to get the spot back.
Lap 56 --Power ... lapped. Insert Australian obscenities here. Dario has lapped to P12.
Lap 59 -- Danica is P10. Vitor is P11 and then Dario is lurking, about to lap them both.
Lap 60 -- Dario, Hinch, Servia, RHR, Sato, TK, Dixon, Scheckter, Briscoe, Danica.
Lap 66 -- Festival of pitting coming up. Dario is 6.6 seconds ahead of everyone. Has lapped to P12.
Lap 69 -- Briscoe and Danica still warring. Briscoe overtakes Dixon and Danica looks, but Dixon is having none of that. May have made himself eeeever so slightly wide there.
Lap 70 -- Hinch pits. The jack man lets the car down before the right rear is on. Have to jack it back up again to get the wheel on. Luckily Hinch didn't take off without the wheel.
Lap 72 -- Dario pits. Festival of pitting is on in earnest.
Lap 75 -- After everyone has pitted, yellow yellow yellow for rain. "Moisture." (Rain.) Very light, so the cars stay out and do yellow laps. Insert 31 laps of yellow here. The race is official at lap 113.
Jamie talks to Penske and we get a good shot of The Ponytail. She's waving it with some head shakes, perhaps for the fans.
Dario on the radio grumbling about James Jakes not immediately taking the wall when Dario approached. Someone on the crew says something like "consider where he's from." ENGLAND VS. SCOTLAND ... IT IS ON. Insert angry accusations of "wanker" and "tosser" here. This race is The Pants!
Race control radios -- "Smoke 'em if you got 'em." Kidding. Drivers could be Tweeting during this extendo yellow.
Robbie Buhl gets air, so you KNOW we're in a rain delay. Montage of past winners at NH, including Buhl. Now they TALK to Robbie. First on-air time since he left the booth, I do believe. He's calling the race for Bia, who is having a season to forget. I won't lie to ya.
Now we're talking to AJ who says the season is going OK, but not fun, because they're finishng with the field in view and that's not "AJ style." WHAM.
Lap 102 -- Are we going to stay yellow until lap 113 and call it a race? Tough call, because the cars are helping keep the track dry(er). So if you red flag it, then the rain stops, then you have to dry the track, then you go green, but for how long?
Scott Dixon on the radio -- pit crew jokes they are always pretty good in the wet so maybe they should just drop the green. Dixon "better than cursing around behind the pace car all day." INSERT OMINOUS FORESHADOWING OF DOOM MUSIC HERE.
Holy shit! We're going back to green. One to go. Drivers hurriedly stuff their McDonald's drive-through bags in the sidepod storage areas of their cars and finish their $1 large diet Cokes.
Lap NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS (lap chart says 107) ... We're green.
Lap 109 -- Dixon inhales Hinch and then Cue the circus music! yellow yellow yellow. Scheckter, TK and Marco are involved in a sammich. BAM, TK is into a tire barrier and ON HIS LID. Just want this race needed, MORE UNDERTRAY. Bow chica bow bow. Usually you pay extra for that kind of action, Cotton. TK should be OK since he hit the tires going relatively slowly and flopped over. He actually radios that he's OK. Safety crew flips the car over and he's out.
We'll be standing by for TK's assessment of blame. He's never bashful about presenting it. Scheckter is also out. Marco walled it, but continued. His suspension is trash, though.
Replays. Marco is in the middle, TK inside and Scheckter outside. Looks like they just went three wide in a bad spot. Contact and then everyone was just a passenger.
A tiny lunch wagon pulls up and 21 clowns jump out and use an air cannon to fire Marco Sandwiches into the crowd.
Good move to put tires by that inside pit wall. Better than just the concrete. NHMS does not have SAFER barriers all the way around, much to Pippa Mann's chagrin. Just in the corners.
The port-a-pot got BIFFED in the crash. ABC shows us a closeup of the flopped over port-a-potty. That temporary can has now gotten more air than 87% of the field.
Marco says he was going to let them by since his car had big issues from an earlier crash.
Tony says we should "ask Marco and Scheckter what they were thinking" re: the crash. Says Marco shouldn't have been racing with them.
Restart coming. Lap 118 -- GREEN.
OMG Cue the circus music AGAIN! This time on the restart as Sato and DARIO get into it on the front row. Dario goes ass around and into the inside pit wall. BAM. Suspension is trashed. Sato continues but has a flat. Holy shit. I expect Ashley to come sprinting down the track, barefooted, wearing a wet sun dress and HURL herself onto Sato's car as it goes into turn 1.
Onboard with Dario. Wheel-to-wheel touch (sometimes when we touch, the audience sees to much) and Dario is just a passenger. Hildebrand also got smacked by Viso and is done. Team release says JR got "Viso-ed."
A truck flying the Scottish flag pulls up and 32 clowns jump out and start screaming "USELESS GIT!" at each other.
Lap 125 -- Debris removed, Ashley likely sedated, and we're GREEN. Merry Christmas RHR for inheriting that lead AND removal of the car that was clearly 34% faster than any other car on the track.
Lap 126 -- RHR, Servia, Dixon, Power (!), Hinch, Danica, Briscoe, Sato, Kimball, Viso.
Somehow (how is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS) Power pitted on lap 74, right before the yellow, and got his lap back, according to the lap chart. Must have caught the yellow right and got the wave around. Not sure about that. It for sure is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS per ABC, though. Then, Power leaped up from P7 to P4 on the restart.
He also pitted late in the rain yellow to top off so he had some fuel "in hand" on the field.
Lap 130 -- Dario says he doesn't know what happened. Sato drove into him. Replays. Looks like Dario may have drove into Sato, at least a little bit, but I'm no expert. Booth guy Scott Goodyear thinks that maybe Dario was a little to blame there as well. Dario controlling the rage. At least he talked to the media and didn't storm off, so props to him for that.
Lap 139 -- Tag pits. WE GOT FIRE. Engine fire. Pit guys get on it pretty quick. Tag is in no real danger. Looked like an oil fire given the color of it.
Lap 145 -- Now RHR is up by 2.1 seconds. Danica is P6 and inhales Power on Lap 147.
Lap 156 -- RHR reports a vibration, and not the good kind (dude).
Lap 161 -- Danica pits. Festival of pitting is coming up. Last stops.
Lap 167 -- Power leads on the pit cycle, but he still has to stop.
Lap 175 -- Danica passes Briscoe for P7. I boldly predict Danica could win this race on Twitter drawing immediate rebukes. Stranger things have happened. P7 with 50 to go. Just a thought. (A BAD ONE, apparently.)
Lap 177 -- Danica closing on Ed, who is P9 and a couple laps down and still has to pit for his last time. Ed moves over for her, because he's all class.
Lap 179 -- Power pits. Sato leads. Holding on and hoping for rain. Power pits and comes back out in NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS position (P6 just in front of Danica, per lap chart).
Lap 191 -- Sato finally pits. RHR takes over the lead, goes around Briscoe to lap him. RHR has lapped up to P7 now.
Lap 200 -- RHR, Servia, Dixon, Hinch, Power, Danica, Sato, Briscoe, Kimbal.
Lap 205 -- yellow yellow yellow for more rain.
Insert 11-lap yellow here. I figure it's over.
BUT NO, we're going back to green. Looks to be sprinkling based on camera lenses, but we may go green. IHJ (Brian Barnhart, the Iron Hand of Justice) on the Public Address Speaker. Listen here.
Lap 214 -- Yellow. No start. Cars were not formed up right, Marty Reid in the booth says.
Lap 215 -- We're GREEEN.
Holy Spirit of the Living Bozo! Danica puts the power down and spins like a top propelled by the subwoofers of a Clown Night Club. Power is into the inside wall. Tiny clown planes fly over and spell out "WTF?" in smoke. Power is TOAST. Danica does a 360 and hobbles on. Power smacked into the wall, Ed T-bones him, Bia gets caught up too and Sato is toast.
Reminds me of ICE HIGHWAY here in the Midwest. Replays. Danica goes 360 touching off the Festival of Carbon Fiber. Danica's car is crabbing down the track, clearly maimed.
More replays. Fugly. Rick DeBruhl with Mike Andretti who is seriously pissed. Calls it the worst officiating he has ever seen. Said he was pleading with the track officials not to go yellow due to a wet track. Said it was more wet this time than the earlier yellow. DeBruhl reports RHR was on the radio also pleading for no start. Jamie reports that Power was using "language" that she has never heard him use (she wasn't talking about French) for five minutes saying it was too wet to go green.
Power is out of his car. Racing around. Security Chief Charles is standing there, has a word, Power stands down. Gets his helmet off, clearly pissed.
Power becomes instant folk hero as screen capture of the double bird FLIES around Twitter.
Sato says he got too close to Dario on restart. Debris in his eyes. Takes blame for the crash. Mike still not happy. Jamie waiting to talk to Will, who will come out once he's flipped off everything in his motor coach.
(For extreme hilarity, check my boy Will McCarty's interpretation of the photo at the right HERE.)
Will with Jamie -- We were begging him (Barnhart), please do not go green. Everyone was saying it. No use. He makes such bad calls all the time. Make calls that put a lot of people in danger. Shame on him. Couldn't believe made that decision. Disgraceful. Apologizes for losing it and going double bird on us.
Just when the clowns were packing up for the day, they come cartwheeling back down the front straight with checkered flags in their teeth. This race is over. IndyCar says there was no restart. It was aborted. Waved off. Because the track was too wet, so the order will revert to order before the restart and we'll call it a race.
Barnhart in the booth says he didn't hear from the drivers and his track peeps were telling him it was OK to go green, so they went, but it was obviously too wet, so they waved it off. Says he made a mistake. Can't comment on if Power will get a fine for his birds.
DVR shows the green light came on for about a second (no idea if the green flag was out) and then was yellow again as Danica went around. Yellow lights and flag were clearly out before the leaders hit start-finish.
Power later tweeted out this from his @12WillPower account ...
"First of all, I have to apologize for losing my temper after the accident that ended our race. Regardless of what happened on the race track, my behavior was inexcusable and I apologize to our sponsors, the fans, the IZOD IndyCar Series officials and the Penske Racing organization. I should not have behaved the way I did and I am sorry. It's definitely no excuse but I was just very frustrated because our car ran so well and our team had worked so hard to put ourselves into a position to get a good finish and I thought it was just ridiculous to restart the race under the dangerous conditions that existed on the race track. I am just glad the officials decided to make the decision to revert the finishing order back to what it was before the final restart. I want to thank my team for their hard work today and, again, I'm sorry for the way our race ended and how I handled the situation."
So, after all that, RHR is your winner, and the Death Star goes ...
... (albeit due to Sato darting Dario, which is like Luke Skywalker banking one off a gun tower and into the exhaust port, but it counts he same.)
BUT WAIT, the results are being protested. Servia says he won, because the green flag CLEARLY came out (video confirmation) followed immediatley by the yellow flag when Danistar went around. When the yellow flew, Servia was in front of RHR. Good video of it here.
BUT, Indy Car has a super catch-all "we can do pretty much whatever we want" clause in the rulebook that goes like this:
"Rule 1.1 (B) (4) INDYCAR also reserves the right to take whatever action and/or impose whatever penalty it deems necessary to maintain the integrity of INDYCAR, the IZOD IndyCar Series and/or its events." (Shout out to Joe at Trackside Online for providing the rule language. Subscribe to TSO today. DO IT.)
Translation: "Whatever we say goes, bitches."
IZOD IndyCar Series
MoveThatBlock.com Indy 225
LOUDON, N.H. - Results Sunday of the MoveThatBlock.com Indy 225 IZOD IndyCar Series event on the 1.025-mile New Hampshire Motor Speedway, with order of finish, starting position in parentheses, driver, chassis-engine, laps completed and reason out (if any):
Note: Tentative - subject to resolution of any protests or appeals.
1. (5) Ryan Hunter-Reay, Dallara-Honda, 215, Running
2. (2) Oriol Servia, Dallara-Honda, 215, Running
3. (7) Scott Dixon, Dallara-Honda, 215, Running
4. (4) James Hinchcliffe, Dallara-Honda, 215, Running
5. (13) Will Power, Dallara-Honda, 215, Running
6. (15) Danica Patrick, Dallara-Honda, 215, Running
7. (8) Takuma Sato, Dallara-Honda, 215, Running
8. (6) Ryan Briscoe, Dallara-Honda, 214, Running
9. (10) Charlie Kimball, Dallara-Honda, 213, Running
10. (19) Vitor Meira, Dallara-Honda, 212, Running
11. (25) Ed Carpenter, Dallara-Honda, 212, Running
12. (17) EJ Viso, Dallara-Honda, 212, Running
13. (14) Alex Lloyd, Dallara-Honda, 211, Running
14. (21) Ana Beatriz, Dallara-Honda, 210, Running
15. (24) Sebastian Saavedra, Dallara-Honda, 210, Running
16. (26) Simona de Silvestro, Dallara-Honda, 209, Running
17. (9) Helio Castroneves, Dallara-Honda, 202, Running
18. (20) James Jakes, Dallara-Honda, 176, Mechanical
19. (16) Alex Tagliani, Dallara-Honda, 137, Mechanical
20. (1) Dario Franchitti, Dallara-Honda, 118, Contact
21. (11) JR Hildebrand, Dallara-Honda, 118, Contact
22. (3) Tony Kanaan, Dallara-Honda, 109, Contact
23. (18) Tomas Scheckter, Dallara-Honda, 109, Contact
24. (22) Marco Andretti, Dallara-Honda, 109, Contact
25. (12) Mike Conway, Dallara-Honda, 0, Contact
26. (23) Graham Rahal, Dallara-Honda, 0, Contact
27. (27) Pippa Mann, Dallara-Honda,0, Did Not start
Race Statistics Winners average speed: 112.030
Time of Race: 01:58:01.5843
Margin of victory: Under caution
Cautions: 6 Cautions for 66 Laps
Lead changes: 7 among 6 drivers
Franchitti 1 - 72
Briscoe 73 - 74
Franchitti 75 - 117
Hunter-Reay 118 - 164
Dixon 165 - 166
Power 167 - 178
Sato 179 - 191
Hunter-Reay 192 - 215
Point Standings: Franchitti 443, Power 396, Dixon 370, Servia 308, Kanaan 295, Briscoe 277, Andretti 270, Hunter-Reay 261, Rahal 240, Sato 238
Viso was penalized one lap for passing the pace car. Not that it was any of your business. (Panther likely cheered, though.) Lap chart and results courtesy of IndyCar PR.
The final cherry on top of this Sundae of Buffoonery is NO CAMERON (Izod Trophy Girl) in victory lane. Viewing dramatically dehanced, but at least she's not visually associated with this Festival of FUBAR. That's it for the New Hampshire Clown Convention. Jamie reports five clowns were treated for dehydration at the infield medical center and released.
Tune in to VERSUS on August 28 at 4 p.m. Eastern for the race at Sonoma. Check back in a couple days for news of the ratings for this Open Wheel Circus. Transcript of the post-race press conferences, including comments from the IHJ, here.