Hahahahahhahaha. Har. BEER SPEW. Hahahahaha. Snort.
That’s me watching the Twitter feed freak out over Danica Patrick hosting the American Country Awards (ACA) last night, which was better than watching the award show itself.
My favorite part was when Danica dressed up as a Las Vegas show girl (the show was held in Las Vegas) and tried to keep up with a group of professional show girls. Funny bit. Cue the “Scantily clad” headlines! In fact, cue about 293 stories (just Google “Danica Patrick ACA show girl”). Then cue the freak out on Twitter.
“I've always wanted to do that. That was a fun. I always wanted to do that.The good thing about me is that there’s no chance of a wardrobe malfunction. (looking down at her chest) There’s not much to malfunction! I hope that little bit didn’t fall flat (exaggerated wink).”
Beer spew. Oh the irony. Just a few days earlier The Twitter went red line with criticisms of Danica not being able to take a joke when Jay Mohr offered some roasting comments at the start of the NASCAR awards banquet. It also went red line with "LEAVE OUR DANICA ALONE YOU BULLY!!!" Both were chortle-inducing moments for me.
Jay: “Danica Patrick, yes. Round of applause for a history maker, Danica Patrick is here. (Applause.) Welcome my love. Yes, Danica, I hope you’re not too uncomfortable tonight. I know you’re not this close to being at the front.
Jay: It’s a comedy show. Geez Louise. Danica, of course, became the first woman to win the pole at Daytona and in one move Danica Patrick silenced all of the haters and we at NASCAR and the fans respect that. Round of applause for Danica Patrick, ladies and gentlemen. (Applause)
Then he had a few zingers for Ricky Stenhouse Jr. who was there with Danica, of course. Honestly, not a big deal. Kind of funny. Danica was in no way singled out. A lot of drivers got roasted. Jay Mohr did fine. Danica smirked and did the little nod that people do when they get skewered. She even skewered him right back later in the show.
Here’s the video. Judge for yourself:
Funnier than the Jay Mohr bits were the reaction: SCANDALOUS BEHAVIOR FROM DANICA!! Except that it wasn’t a big deal at all. Really. Objectively. You watch the video above and say, "That’s what all the 'can’t take a joke' fuss was about? Pffft."
But the screen capture of the icy expression RACED AROUND TWITTER and Danica was castigated for not laughing at herself. One screen capture: Danica judged. Such is the life under the microscope.
But, hey, weep not for Danica, because in her case life under the microscope includes a soundtrack of a ringing cash register. At some level, attention = revenue in sporting/entertainment world. Obviously attention for committing armed robbery doesn't = revenue, but I trust you grasp the kind of attention I am talking about.
Then, when she DOES laugh at herself at the ACA show by making fun of her, ah, bra cup size, it’s … DANICA APPEARS IN SCANTY COSTUME. DANICA EMBARRASSMENT TO NASCAR. It was just a deliciously perfect microcosm of Danica's public existence. And, the way she handled it all is a great explanation of why I am a fan of hers.
But my personal favorite jewel in the crown of Danica-Fixated Absurdity remains this notion that everything should be driven by wins-and-losses, including things like hosting the American Country Awards.
Like this Tweet: “What the hell? Danica Patrick is hosting the ACA's? Couldn't they afford a better host/hostess? One that at least wins races?”
Again … hahahahahahaha. You’re killing me over here. Celebrity is driven by a lot of things, but objective measures ain't even in the top 10. Winning Academy Awards, for example, can boost actors' celebrity, but there are a crap ton of actors who are hyper celebrities who have never even sniffed an Oscar.
Award show hosts are selected based on a lot of subjective factors, including what size and demographic the host can bring to the show, in the producers’ opinion. There's also some objectivity in there: like research into the amount of pub someone generates, rankings on Most Popular lists, etc. Producers of these shows want viewers and buzz. Danica delivered both, based on her enormous fan base and the resulting festival of Danica on the ACA stories and blog posts ... the negative stuff included.
Plus she did a fine job, so I'm happy for Danica. The way she swims in a river of hate without getting infected by it continues to amaze me. She's greatly aided in that by the river of fan love she can dive into as well. The ACA was LIVE TV in front of a big crowd with a lot of people tuning in and her first time doing anything like this. She had the opportunity and rose to take advantage of it.
I used to get all frothed up and outraged by the unfairness of the negative stuff. The rise of Twitter -- which can be a cesspool of snarky negativity -- didn't help much. But then I figured out that raging against perceived "fairness" like jousting with windmills. So just get on that bull and ride it, Danica, while the rest of us chortle at the resulting grand mal froth.