Leading into the biggest racing weekend of the year I sat down with (or squatted next to) my buddy The Orange Cone, the iCONIC (see what I did there?) Twitter phenomenon. (Follow The Cone here.)
This is my third interview with Coney. The first was in September 2011 when he first burst onto the scene and contains a bit of a Cone bio. Read it here. The second was in October 2012 when we talked about #asskickingofalifetime and his "huge" 23,000 Twitter followers. Read it here.
In this edition, Mr. Cone has ballooned to more than 52,000 followers, yet remains humble and focused on what's improtant, that being #hothoneys.
pressdog: I realize you don’t have a head (per se) to get big, but with more than 52,000 Twitter followers and shout outs on TV and all the #hothoneys, how does a cone stay humble?
Orange Cone: Well the truth is you don't. I had to revise my schedule just to do this Q&A! My people are watching me carefully. If I make too many typos and waste too much time going back and fixing them they could nix this whole thing.
pressdog: When you got into this twitter thing way back when, did you have any idea Twitter overall and you're account specifically would BLOW UP?
Orange Cone: In all honesty, no. I was stoked to reach 1000 followers. I mean STOKED. This was something I did for my own amusement and to have 52,000 other people hop on board is truly humbling. Don't let anyone know it's humbling, though, it will ruin my reputation as a raging egomaniac.
pressdog: Walk us through your decision to get on The Twitter. Was it just a whim? Result of careful analysis? At the urging of BFZ (Brian France)?
Orange Cone: I was a MySpace loyalist through and through. But my "careful analysis" said that MySpace was done, kaput. So I looked for the next best place to find pictures of hot women. Twitter won when I found Facebook is where women go to post pictures of their babies.
pressdog: What’s next for the cone? What’s the next mountain to climb? Or you at the summit?
Orange Cone: I keep looking for an opportunity to sell out and walk away. I thought the T-shirts would provide me with the millions required to pay for my lifestyle for the foreseeable future, but despite selling like wildfire I still apparently live beyond my means because my application to buy Jimmie's Manhattan penthouse came back unopened. Every time I think I have hit the summit, though, something else happens and it propels me farther up the hill.
pressdog: Cone Haters! I’ve seen a few. What’s that about? Jealousy? Chemical imbalance? Signs of a heroin epidemic?
Orange Cone: Jealousy all the way. Mostly they're jealous I am better looking than they are.
pressdog: With 116,000 updates (as of May 2014) you must be constantly plugged in to the Twitter. Is that because you have a lot of time just sitting in one spot or have no discernible life outside Twitter or what?
Orange Cone: Well, it's hard to people to look at a cone and see that it's working hard. But the truth is, no matter what I am doing it usually involves work. I mean just the other day I was hanging out with Jeff Gordon. He goes "I need to use the little boys room" and goes in the restroom. I hang out right there in the entrance waiting for him. A hundred guys must have come up while I was there but not one of them went in. I realized afterwards it was because I was standing there. People don't mess with cones, p'dog.
pressdog: Is it true that you and ole DW (Darrell Waltrip) have a special bond? I’d ask if you’re drinking buddies, but with no arms it may be hard for you to drink (ye BASTARD). Related: does alcohol have any affect on you (aside from cleaning your exterior)?
Orange Cone: We do go way back. He never ever ran me over, which is why I like him. And when I finally vanquished my arch-nemesis Digger and drove him into retirement, Darrell looked at me with renewed respect. He took a liking to me, and he looks out for me on the Fox broadcasts. He loved the dance moves I showed off during the Bud Shootout too. And no, alcohol has no affect on me, which is why I like to hang out with drunken women. It significantly raises my chances!
pressdog: I’ve yet to see a photo my buddy and Woman of pressdog® Danica Patrick and you together. Is there an estrangement there, or is she just trying to keep your relationship on the down low?
Orange Cone: Now that she is with Ricky we have to keep it on the DL. I do my part, cracking wiseass jokes and making it seem like I am anti-Danica but it's all part of the plan. Misdirection is the key to a successful garage relationship.
pressdog: Lot of Throwback Thursday going on in your timeline every week. You’re either 1) very old, 2) a racing history buff, 3) seeking to make yourself look like a wired-in player or 4) all of the above. Explain.
Orange Cone: Wow. You hit the nail on the head with that one. Deep. Very deep. I have a few winters under my reflective stripes, and I love the history of the sport, whether it's NASCAR, Indycar, NHRA, dirt tracks, you name it. The only thing I would change with your analysis is "seeking to make yourself look like a wired-in player" because I *am* a wired-in player. If you could see my DM box whenever I start talking about silly season, you understand!
pressdog: Put the Cone on the spot: You have ONE space in the hot tub … who do you invite?
Orange Cone: Wow. So many #HotHoneys so little space. I like to think I could invite 10 or so and rotate them into that one spot as needed. But if I had JUST ONE, I think I would go with @bigelow44. She takes pictures of herself kissing on cones whenever she can, I would say she deserves it.
pressdog: Talladega … never been there … is it as wild as they say?
Orange Cone: WILDER! The last time I was there, I gave away 18,637 strings of beads. Can you fathom how many topless women that equates to? 18,637 is the answer, in case you were wondering. I also had to pay bail three times. I am not allowed to comment on any three of the cases though as they are ongoing.
pressdog: I don’t hear much from you about Scott Speed. Who’s your biggest on-track nemesis these days.
Orange Cone: I have chased all of my nemeses into retirement! WOOOOO! Speedo is doing GRC now, whatever that is. Surely he runs over whatever plastic objects he can find there too. As for my current on-track nemesis, it is and forever shall be Kyle Busch. He has hit me more times than Pete Rose hit with a 12 in blackjack. (You probably thought I was going to say more often than Pete Rose hit something else).
pressdog: Sometimes I hear you referred to as the “commitment cone.” Does that mean you’re not afraid of serious relationships?
Orange Cone: I am not afraid of ANYTHING, p'dog, except jet dryers. The only reason I do not get mired into a serious relationship is I would rather have 1,000 hot women than just one.
pressdog: Favorite May racing-related tradition?
Orange Cone: Back Home Again in Indiana!!! Now that Jim Nabors is retired, I am in serious discussion with @jdouglas4 to carry it on myself. Everything is hammered out, we're just working on money. He says it doesn't make sense to pay me more than the winner of the Indy 500 to sing a song that lasts 75 seconds, but I am pretty sure we'll get over this little speed bump and execute a binding agreement very soon.
pressdog: I want Danica to Do the Double. I asked her for one more Indy 500 last time we spoke. (Preceding sentence added solely to indicate what a player I am.) Any way you can help get that done?
Orange Cone: Next time I see her I will drop some subtle hints. I'll be like "Yo Sparkle Pony, pressdog wants you to run the Indy 500 and the Coke 600 next year!" That's about as subtle as I get. Surely it will work.
pressdog: We know you're a rock star on the ovals, but do you ever work any road/street races? If so, any special challenges for a cone on the twisties?
Orange Cone: I work any race, any time. The challenge at street courses is sometimes I get placed where I don't have a good line of sight to the grandstands. I do what I do to get babes, and if they can't see me it's all for naught.
pressdog: My buddy and Woman of pressdog® Pippa Mann is going pink for the Indy 500. Any chance you'll join in and turn pink and make an appearance at Indy? (Support Pippa with a donation to fight cancer here.)
Orange Cone: I support Pippa and everything she does!! Beautiful woman driven to succeed. She says jump, I jump.
pressdog: Finally, racing reporter Bob Pockrass … man, myth or Borg?
Orange Cone: Borg. Prepare to be assimilated!!!