Note to the humorless: it's all fiction below here.
Fans of Indy Racing League driver Sarah Fisher are grateful that they won't experience road rage this season.
The news that Fisher will, in all probability, not run the IRL's five road/street courses relieved some hard-core Fisher fans who find it difficult to stay interested in road/street races.
"Sure, I'll have to find a way to replace the nap time I usually get watching road races, but somehow I think I'll manage," said one Fisher fan. "I'm a glass half-full kind of guy. Having Sarah not in the road races means I'll have two more hours of life I can invest elsewhere."
Fisher fans predicted not feeling obligated to pay that
close of attention to five races in the 17-race schedule will allow
them to get more exercise, notice their spouses and children more and
per haps run some errands -- activities they wouldn't be able to do if
Sarah was actually in the road race.
"One of my friends was posting on a message board how horrible it was that Sarah didn't get to do the street races, and I was all like,'What's the downside here?' " said another fan. "Just means I don't have to brew a gallon of coffee and drink it constantly during the Snorenoma race on Aug. 26. Instead I just need to make sure I have a pillow and a comfortable couch so when I fall asleep I'll be comfortable and won't wake up with a dislocated vertebra."
Fans did react enthusiastically to news that Sarah would run the oval races. "Load me up on Bitburg beer and EuRup Energy drink because I'm on fire," said a fan. "Now if we can just de-pig Sarah's car and maybe duct tape a JATO (jet assisted take-off) tube to it, we may be in business." Fans were heartened by Dreyer & Reinbold Racing team co-owner Robbie "Incredi" Buhl's vow to work hard to give Sarah a fast car this year.
In related news, the Iowa Pork Producers Friday objected to the practice of calling Sarah's car and others that are notoriously slow "pigs."
"Pigs are actually very intelligent and naturally clean animals," said Stan Jenningson, director of marketing for the pork board. "And they're pretty fast, especially when motivated. Much faster than some of those ill-funded Indy Cars that are so-called 'pigs.' Besides, you only need some corn which is, what $3 a bushel to get a real pig to come running real fast. For an IRL car it takes about $5.3 million. Now that I think of it, maybe 'pig' is the right term."
Sorry for all the anti-road-course people, but Sarah is giving up several places in the season standings by not running all the races, which in turn will make it that much harder for her to secure sponsorship in 2008.
Pretty big drawback, I think...
Posted by: Jahuti Rhys | February 05, 2007 at 08:34 PM
Certainly not her choice to not do road courses.
Posted by: pressdog | February 05, 2007 at 09:03 PM