Live from Khan-zahs

pressdog is in the house here at Kansas Speedway in tony Kansas City, KS. Indy Car practice sessions are over and we're waiting for the amusing NASCAR trucks to get done with their qualifying efforts.

So, first off, I love the smell of ethanol exhaust in the morning. Reminds me of my sprint car watching days. Glorious.

I'm here in the Media Center. The holiest of holies for the Race Media. Somehow someone was on the Patron and I got in here. Don't question it, go with it.

So I'm the "new media" boy in the room. The under-cover blogger if you will.

First thing you need to know about the media center is that it's kind of like a library much of the time, with periodic outbursts of jocularity and spirited conversation. Especially today when the NASCAR truck people are in the house.

Secondly, there are no screamed obscenities. WTF? People seem pretty calm. You call yourselves reporters? When I was a reporter (1986 to 1995) we'd let go with an f-bomb now and then. People nowadays have gone soft. OK, I admit I made the f-bomb stuff up. But we THOUGHT the F-bomb a lot. But still, lots of politeness around here. Makes me nervous.

Third, in order to be a racing reporter, you have to be REALLY into racing. I mean, you have to dig everything about racing. From wing angles to how the wind today may effect tire pressures. Because this is a seriously nomadic, hurry-up-and-wait existence. There's only so long you can stand in the pits and watch people look at monitors while their drivers are qualifying before you start to lose it. You have to be almost racing nerdish to make this lifestyle work for ya. So hats off to the racing beat boys and girls.

Fourth, the big news at Kansas is Milka Duno, who pronounces it "Khan-zahs." Milka is a 35-year-old Venezuelan rookie who drives sports cars. She's got the sugar daddy Citgo behind her, so she's in. That's how the Indy Car series works these days. Got some cash, you're in. People are atwitter about Milka. Milka's best practice time was 208.641 mph, which is FIVE mph slower the fastest practicer, Scott "The Iceman" Dixon.

So, the speculation is -- will she get parked? That's Indy Car talk for "getting told to get off the track." Will Milka start the race, go 50-ish laps and then pull into the garage with "handling problems." We'll see.

Fifth, holy role reversal. Now Danica Patrick is being asked about another woman. Danica is getting questions about Milka, as is Sarah Fisher. Danica was fifth fastest in practice. Sarah Fisher 17th. Sarah, I think, is a little cranky over her speed issues. During the second practice, her crew changed some springs, did some nutty stuff. Car was still piggish. All drivers get pissy when their cars are slow.

Qualifying is at 3:15 p.m., so we'll see what Milka, Danica and Sarah can do.

Post Qualifying Update:

Milka is in the books with a 208.258 mph. That's .75 mph behind the next slowest, Alex Barron, and 1 MPH behind Marty. Post-qual Milka is all about finishing, staying in there, getting laps. She also looked a little bit overwhelmed with the media bombardment. There weren't 50 reporter there, but she usually had a group of five to 10 around her. That's about a year's worth of media contact for a sportscar driver. They're thrilled crapless if one reporter asks them something. Plus, she was doing it all in her second language, English, so one can understand the look of "oh shit" on her face here and there.

One thing about Milka, she ain't dumb. She has FOUR master's degrees and is a naval engineer, according to the track announcer.

Danica (do I even need to add "Patrick"?) came through the media line. Clearly hissy about her car not being as fast as the rest of the AGR posse. She stopped to talk to whatever news person wanted to talk to her. Danica can be a bit of a smart ass! I like her more and more. She embraced the sarcasm here and there. Nice. She was also wearing about $3,200 worth of diamond stud earrings.

Scary revelation for pressdog: Danica up close reminds me of my youngest daughter (would that be "presspup"?) My  youngest, age 12, is tiny and has very fine features just like Danica. Those features are very emphasized when she has her hair pulled back. And I gotta give Danica props for world-class hair. Black and lustrous. Very striking. Since she doesn't have enough cash, some hair product people should sign Danica up. Because she's worth it. (Baaaa. I slay me.)

Sarah Fisher qualified 17th. Anyone who thinks Sarah isn't interested in winning should have seen her after qualifying. Pissed. Not helmet-throwing pissed, but angry none-the-less. So I go, "Sarah, are you going to to back to the hauler and throw stuff? Because I kind of think I might." Sarah: "Nah, I don't throw things." Sarah's mom, Reba, is most fabulous. School teacher! Reba and Sarah's father, Dave, have been racing themselves or on Sarah's crew for ages. It's easy to see where Sarah gets her "girl next door" schwerve, because Dave and Reba are America's neighbors. I'd say the demeanor off Dave Fisher and TJ Patrick is polar opposites, to give you some idea.

Sarah did immediately brighten and unleash a smile when someone asked her the date of her wedding. (Sept. 15). Then, on the way back to her hauler post-qualifying, she stopped to sign something for a little boy and pose for a picture with him. That's what I'm talking about.

To be fair, most if not all drivers are very good with the fans. If they have time they'll stop and sign, chat, get the photo taken. They have to balance that stuff -- because high-profile drivers could do it all day -- and the business at hand. Most do a pretty good job of it.

Best exchange with a driver so far: My girl Pat "P.Cap" Caporali, PR Princess for Target Chip Ganassi introduces me to Dan Wheldon and this is the exchange that I swear I am not making up:

Pat (to Dan): "This is Bill Zahren, pressdog."

Dan: Blank look.

Pat: "You know. The Web site? The one that sometimes does the questions?"

Dan: Blank look.

Pat: "You know, with the satire?"

Dan: (Clearly, Dan has no idea who I am.) "Ah, nice to meet you."

Me: (Clearly, I don't expect Dan to know me from Danica.) "Thanks, great to meet you."

Dan: "What is it? Press? ... Press ... dog? Pressdog dot com?"

Me: "Yep."

Dan: "I'll have to have a look at it sometime."

Me: "Great. Thanks." (Dude, seriously, buy a pdog shirt and wear it at Indy or something. Hell, I'll buy it if you wear it. I made one just for you.)

(Dan and Pat move on.) Me: "BAAAAAAAA. I'm so HUGE."

Thirty seconds later, Pat comes back over and says, "All I had to say to him was 'Captain Hairdo' and he said, 'Oh, that guy!' " (Captain Hairdo is my fun little name for Dan. Just ribbing him a little for his fondness of hair products, which is the compete opposite of me. My idea of hair product is Suave conditioner. And I'm sure it shows.)

Dan, I think you may, in fact, be sidepod worthy.

I'm imagining a similar exchange between me and Danica. Now I'm laughing so hard I may have to go to the first aid center for some oxygen.

Tomorrow is race day. Can't wait to go green-green-green.

Comments

[Joe]

I'm sorry - is it just me, or does Milka remind anyone else of Charo?

[Jahuti Rhys]

Anybody else notice that her name is spelled "MilHa" on her helmet?
And Marty is actually not last on the grid for a change...

[Lisa R]

p'dog. i'd love for dan to be sporting some p'dog gear along with me in indy. : ) thanks for the shout out a few days ago in your blog. it caught me by surprise to actually see my name!
proudly wearing the gear!

[MoneyCJ]

This is so great! Must admit I am seething w jealousy, dog...

And Joe is right-on. Milka is Charo.

[My Name Is IRL]

Thanks to The Dog, I'll be watching the race thinking I'm like two degrees of separation from everyone at the track. Excuse me whilst I shed a manly tear in honor of this day.

And yes, I've been linking to Charo pics for Duno for weeks (at the suggestion of more than one reader). The resemblance is simultaneously amusing and creepy.