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MoneyCJ gets Ride with Fastmachines

Racing bloggers everywhere felt a shift in the force as blog-leader MoneyCJ Thursday came to an agreement in principle to take his merry band of mayhem to Fastmachines.com. Money will dispense his wit and wisdom regularly on the site.

"We're back to three-wide, baby!" said MoneyCJ.

Deluxe Notes from the 2007 Indianapolis 500

Notes taken during at the track and on the ABC broadcast of the Indianapolis 500 on 5/27/07.

Welcome to Speedway, Indiana, a suburb of Indianapolis and the home of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. pressdog is in the house!

ABC kicks off their coverage with an aerial shot that shows a lot of exposed aluminum. Hold off on that shot, ABC. The rain caused a late-arriving crowd.

Here I'm going to have to apologize to everyone who attended or watched the Indy 500 this year. Last time I went to the race was 2004 which was also rain shortened (although Buddy Rice didn't seem to mind). So I'm the rain curse. I'll stay away for a few years now so you can enjoy the race.

Pedigo Races Toward her Biggest Showtime Yet

Brienne Pedigo lets out a playful laugh and unleashes an infectious, little-girl smile when the subject of pit hotties comes up.

But while getting attention is part of her job description, Pedigo hopes viewers will appreciate her fire for racing more than how smokin' she is off the track.

Less than 24 hours ahead of her first Indy 500 as a pit reporter, Pedigo talked about her love for racing, the journey from off-Broadway to on pit road and what it's like to be mistaken for another famous brunette who often wears firesuites.

Tony Kanaan swaps golf cart paint, tells all to pressdog

In a bold pre-race strategy, Tony Kanaan (the guy all in green with the noticeable nose) cements his grip on a top-5 and makes himself the favorite to win by a nose (HAR!) by going on record with pressdog.

Mega shout outs to Rob Cleveland, Andretti Green Racing PR chieftain, for getting these totally, 100% real answers to many burning questions.

Keep reading for more on Tony’s favorite track, how jazzed he gets at the Indy 500 and some inside scoop on the Iron Hand of Justice (IRL race control chief Brian Barnhart).

Indianapolis Motor Speedway Bans Hammers, Considers Anti-Whining Rule

Note to the lame: this is total fiction designed to make a point.

Faced with a startling upswing in "whining, pissing and moaning and generally being bitchy" the Indianapolis Motor Speedway is considering taking extraordinary anti-bawling measures.

Insiders report speedway rules and regulations chieftain, Brian Barnhart (the Iron Hand of Justice), has grown so tired of people bitching and wanting to turn the clock back to 1973 that he's considering drastic, yellow-shirt-enforced measures.

"Patrick downplays sex, just wants to be on top"

Note to low functioning: Most of of this is made up, although the headline is real.

A real headline from a South African Web site has led to more speculation that the Indy Car Series has launched a not-so-covert effort to inject more sex into the Indy 500.

After an ESPN press release declared that racing pit hotties Brienne Pedigo and Jamie Little would embrace, a new story has popped up saying Danica downplays sex, as long as she is on top.

The story, on the South-African-domain site www.motoring.co.za, says "Patrick downplays sex, just wants to be on top."

Indianapolis Officials Send Out a Search Party for Champ Car

Note to the feeble: everything below is made up.

Indianapolis Search and Rescue teams were dispatched Saturday on a mission to find the Champ Car World Series.

"We hadn't heard from Champ Car in weeks," said Jennifer Eicklehorn who works two doors down from the Champ Car World Series headquarters in Indianapolis. "It's not like them to miss so much work, so I finally decided to call the authorities."

Initial searches came up empty. "At first we thought maybe Champ Car had fallen at home and couldn't get up," said Toby Steinmetz of the Indianapolis Search and Rescue Task Force. "So eventually we broke down their apartment door but found nothing. No signs of foul play. Nothing. Champ Car just vanished."

Arni and Arie Jr. Pull Some Gs

He's no MoneyCJ who will drive a Dallara at Indianapolis Motor Speedway in July, but Arni the Insider turns some laps with Arie Luyendyk Jr. at the wheel. And what do you do after you turn laps at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway? Watch and find out.

ESPN PR -- ESPN Reporters Jamie Little, Brienne Pedigo Embrace

Note: This is made up.

Satellite TV providers DirecTV and Dish Network reported a surge in digital video recorder activation after word circulated Thursday that ESPN pit hotties Jamie Little and Brienne Pedigo would embrace.

"When I got the email, for a second there I thought ESPN/ABC was really turning up the heat on their efforts to drive up Indy 500 ratings," said Rob Donaldson, a random fan who received a promotional email with the subject line: "ESPN PR -- ESPN Reporters Jamie Little, Brienne Pedigo Embrace."

Insider Grills M.H. George

Turning up the heat on ABC/ESPN to give him a chair in the broadcast booth, Arni the Indy Insider goes to a drivers' party thrown by 72-year-old Indy matriarch Mari Hulman George herself. There's talk of a pig (not that uncommon at Indy) and Indy drivers ripping the mic out of Arni's hand. Discourteous! Little Al's wife is a fan, apparently. Has a crush on the Insider. Kinky. If this continues, we may have to have Indy Insider Race Notes.