Note to low functioning: Most of of this is made up, although the headline is real.
A real headline from a South African Web site has led to more speculation that the Indy Car Series has launched a not-so-covert effort to inject more sex into the Indy 500.
After an ESPN press release declared that racing pit hotties Brienne Pedigo and Jamie Little would embrace, a new story has popped up saying Danica downplays sex, as long as she is on top.
The story, on the South-African-domain site www.motoring.co.za, says "Patrick downplays sex, just wants to be on top."
"It's pretty clear that the Indy 500 is trying to hoochy it up this year with the dualing pit hotties and Danica declaring she likes it on top," said Edwina Swarthow, media monitor for the ultra-conservative People for Lifeless Television. "We expect the Hooters Girls to show up any second. I can tell you, we're certainly not going to bend over and take this kind of treatment from the Indy Car Series. Jimmy Johnson, Jeff Gordon, Tony Stewart -- they'll all hear from us over this travesty."
It could not immediately be confirmed that the new aggressive hotty-focused marketing approach has attracted interest from FOX broadcasting. There was a rumor that Danica would be invited to sit in the center chair for the morning talk-a-thon, Fox News & Friends "provided she has an appropriately short skirt for the occasion." Indy insiders, however, remained skeptical that Fox will be interested since a debacle of a broadcast with the Indy 500 front row recently showed Fox "couldn't find its own ass with both hands" when it comes to Indy Car racing.
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