Credibilty Police Search for Hat, Cattle

Come on. Do I have to say it? Everything below is fiction.

International Racing Credibility Police confirmed Monday they have searched the office and home of the Indy Racing League chief steward for both hat and cattle.

"At 2:32 a.m. we executed a no-knock search warrant on the home and office of one Mr. Brian Barnhart, AKA The Iron Hand of Justice, of Indianapolis, IN," said Deputy Chief Superintendent Barney M. Chesterman of the credibility police.

"The purpose of our search was to ascertain, as best we could, whether or not Mr. Justice was all hat and no cattle."

Chesterman said the search came after Barnhart put the entire field of drivers "on probation" before the Kentucky race. During the race, however, there were several instances of insane driving and cases of goofy, total brain lock.

"The question becomes, will Mr. Justice follow through and bring the pain to the drivers who were clearly driving with their heads either up their asses, or up someone else's ass."

In rural areas, someone who is all talk and no substances is often accused of being "all hat and no cattle." The saying alludes to an earlier time when owning many head of cattle was a sign of wealth and importance. Back in the day, posers who wanted people to believe they were far more influential and wealthy than they actually were would dress like rich cattlemen -- with huge hats, expensive boots and ornate belt buckles -- but not have the herd of cattle to back up the show.

"Right now, we found some pretty big hats, but not much in the way of cattle," said Chesterman. "We haven't looked everywhere yet, so we may actually come to find that Mr. Justice has the cattle to back up the hat. Time will tell."

Comments

[My Name Is IRL]

There goes your hard card. You'll be hanging with Anthony Fedele now, my friend.