pressdog.com: pressdog's 2008 Wish List

Heading into 2008, I thought I'd be generous and kick out wish list that contains a little something-something for all my Indy Racing League homeys:

Sarah Fisher: Everyone knows Sarah's my girl, so first up we need to get her a de-pigged Dallara in 2008. I mean, seriously. Sarah didn't finish on the lead lap in all of 2007. Attrition was the bestest friend for the Dreyer & Reinbold cars.

Buddy Rice and Sarah only finished in the top ten when ten cars finished, it seemed. So a car that can stay on the lead lap is a good start. Another pole would be killer. And go ahead and win it at Kansas, Iowa or Chicagoland when the pdog is in the hizzouse. If Sarah would win a race it would set off a festival of pants pissing unseen since Arie went 237 and change at Indy. I, personally, would require hospitalization. Big pdog props for Sarah answering my Q&As a couple times in 2007.

Marco Andretti: First of all, I wish Marco a short memory. 2007 -- not something you want to hold on to. Also some F-bomb prevention classes coupled with Using Your Radio 101. Right now it's incomprehensible screaming most of the time from Marco.

Lot of pressure on the youngster. Got That Name and then you're working for your dad and grandpa is hovering over there. Insane. I wish Marco the chance to be Marco in 2008.

Ed Carpenter: I like Ed. Along with Danica, he's one of the unfireable drivers. Ed has made some progress over the last few years. Maybe he could benefit from a little bit of Helio's flamboyance. If we could manage to give Helio a little Ed and Ed a little Helio, that would be great.

Kosuke Matsuura: Top of the 2008 wish list for him would be a ride. It's not looking good for 2008, I'm afraid. I also need to give Kosuke a shout out for hippest dressed driver. He also has nutty Japanese media conferences and random times during race weekends. You never know when you'll come upon Matsuura surrounded by a ring of Japanese press.

A.J. Foyt IV: Like Marco Polo, Quattro (or in the Spanish, "Cuatro") has to drag around The Name his entire life. The rangy Texan who talks überslow and has the coolest accent of the entire field. Antinny made a lot of improvement in 2007, even scoring a bronze at one race. I'd wish him to have another year with Vision in 2008 to continue the improvement, and a new pair of 'gatorskin boots for good measure.

Helio Castroneves: Helio spends a bunch of weeks dancing with a hotty and the entire league's Q rating goes up 50%. So I guess you gotta thank him for that. I wish for Helio to have some sedatives in 2008. Nobody is that ON FIRE all the time. I suspect a brain chemical imbalance.

Dario Franchitti: Good luck in NASCAR. Unfortunately I won't be watching you race since I don't watch NASCAR, but, still. Ashley will love the scene over there! You're a right-sexy wee bastard. Here's hopin' they appreciate ya over there in Taxiland.

Sam Hornish: Ditto above. The Elvis vibe you got going will help you out over in N-word. Again, it's been nice watching ya.

Tony Kanaan: Tone is kind of an enigma. Will the real Tony please stand up? One day he's a fine example for the children and the next he's chopping Hornish and getting into a verbal scuffle in the pits. I actually pumped gas with Tony Kanaan in California as a part of an ethanol promotion way back in 2005. "I tell you what, Beel," he said to me. I'll always cherish it, Tony. Tony also responded with some quippy stuff to my Q&A request in 2007 as well.

OK, so what should Santadog get Tony for 2008? Maybe some respect. Kanaan has been giving it up for the team a lot lately -- setting up cars for Danica and Marco, holding block parties for Dario. He's so damn steady, even down to having the same sponsor forever, that people tend to take Tone for granted a little bit, I think. So maybe a Tony Kanaan Appreciation Day is in order. Get on it, IRL PR crew!

Darren Manning: That's an easy one -- more pints of BEER! (Not sure where I got the pints of beer thing. I think Darren was having a pint in his favorite pub back in England when AJ Foyt called him about driving.) Darren is Mr. Chatty. He'll hang out and talk to the media for hours and hours at the track. Much love for the Danger Mouse. Plus, anyone who can keep the Foyt Pigmobile on the lead lap has a my vote for Coolest Driver. Also, he's a really close second to Cuatro in the coolest accent contest.

Scott Dixon: I hope he gets the title in 2008. He got kind of screwed out of it in 2007. Tony Kanaan setting the screen for Dario Franchitti, Dixon running out of gas in turn 4 of Chicagoland -- the Iceman deserves one. Besides, it's more doubtful that he takes the trophy and bolts to NASCAR if he wins it. Props to Scott for responding to a pdog Q&A in 2007.

Viror Miera: OK, a win. The guy has finished second about 100 times. If anyone deserves to end the Big Three Streak, aside from Sarah, it's Vitor. Unfortunately, unless you're with the Big Three, you ain't winning. (Shhhhhhhh. The league doesn't want you to know it's been about three years since any non big three drivers have won a race.) Vitor had a bit of an off year with Panther in 2007. Wheels and shit falling off his car at random times. He needs to return to his bridesmaid glory at least in 2008.

Danica Patrick: Danica, fo fanica, fi-fie-fo banica ... DANICA. She just won't call me. Not sure what that's about. AGR PR Giant Rob Cleveland has my cell number, Danica. Let's hang in 2008. I'll buy you a fru-fru drink or a shot of Scotch, whatever you're up for. I hammered Patron-laced margaritas with Sarah Fisher's dad in 2007 (actually, I did most of the hammering) and talked go-karting, so maybe Teej and I could chill in 2008.

I'm tempted to wish for a win for Danica in 2008. CLEARLY, she's under enormous pressure to win. Most of it, I gotta say, is unfair pressure. I thought Danica showed big improvement in 07. She's with one of the three teams that has even an remote chance of winning (Shhhhhh, the Big 3 domination is a secret!). So she may get the W in 2008, even if Tony has to take out half the field to get it for her. CLEARLY, the league wants Danica to win really, really badly. Witness the sort-of power steering-ish thing last year. (Shhhhhh. That's a secret too!)

I will give Danica sincere props for being Danica. Her public personality has stayed steady throughout her rise to fame, so whether or not you dig that personality, you have to give her credit for continuing to be herself. Oh, what the hell? Danica gets a W in 2008! (Preferably after Sarah wins, but still.) Pressdog raises his leg on Danica's 0-2 record in responding to my witty Q&As in 2007. Show the bloggers some love, Danistar!

Buddy Rice: First of all, I wish Buddy some hats that fit his head in 2008. Second of all, a de-pigged Dallara. Sounds like Buddy is going to be back with Dreyer & Reinbold next year. Buddy made some improvement in his performance from the start of the year to the finish, so that's a good sign. Still, there were some major pig fests in there, like Chicagoland, for example.

The league would like its Indy 500 winners to stay in the league (running low what with Dario and Sam cashing the check and heading to NASCAR). So I'm pretty sure T. George kicks out some cash to pay Rice to drive somewhere. Bad news is, if Buddy stays with DRR it will be another winless year. So, I'll wish for him to get the nearly impossible (rather than the just plain impossible): a pole in 2008.

Tomas Scheckter: First of all, is it Thomas or "toe-mas?" Toe-mas is more exotic. I'd go with that. I'm going to wish for a new set of gloves for Scheckter in 2008, and the willingness to throw them at whoever. Frowny face to Arni the Indy Insider who moonlights as a member of the IRL PR staff. He has a TASTY photo of Tomas hurling his gloves at Texas that he refused to share with your favorite pdog. Arn. I thought we were tight.

Gotta give it to Tomas for the passion. LOVE the passion. And throwing the gloves was a genius move. If you throw your helmet you'll get a fine and bitched out by the Iron Hand of Justice (chief steward Brian Barnhart). Because, you know, if that its someone in the noggin, they could die. Not good. But the gloves. If they hit a car, so what? Not even the IHJ seemed to have a problem with that. (Of course the IHJ also didn't have a problem with Marco spearing Tomas out of the race either, so at least he's consistent in that regard.)

Tommy also had one of the lines of 2007 when he said Helio should stop thinking so much about dancing (pronounced "dahncing" in the South African accent) and think more about racing. Right on camera. Not since Panther's Doug Boles yelled "WE GOT SCREWED" into Jamie Little's microphone have I been so impressed. Unfortunately, Tommy also blew off my Q&A request in 2007. These people may not realize that tens of people read my site.

Scott Sharp: It's a blow to the nuts, Scott, you leaving for American Le Mans Series or whatever sportscar thing you're going to. We're talking Champ Car-level ratings, maybe even sub-Champ Car ratings. Unfortunate. But go with God. My wish for you is that you enjoy the twisty bits. Pretty sure you got snaked by Rahal and his phantom "commitment" to winning. Danistar's decision to bolt RLR is looking smarter and smarter. Ray Lito, wherever you are, send me a note. Let's catch up. It's not the same for me since you got MONSTER air running Danica's show.

So I guess for 2008, I wish Scott a team owner who cares. That would be novel. But do you HAVE to take Club Patron with ya, Scott? I mean, seriously. I never even got into Club Patron. It was going to be my project for 2008 to get by the 6-foot women at the door and sample the double-decker atmosphere of the Club P. Sucks to be me.

Ryan Hunter-Reay: First of all, what's with the hyphen? Weirds me out a little. The ethanol posse has made some good hay out of their sponsorship of the league, with the 100% fuel-grade ethanol powering the whole show. Props for that. The ethanol people usually have swarms of people at the track as well (often it's corn producers or ethanol plant employees). That helps spread the love of the sport to those fabulous people. So big ups for excellent use of the hospitality budget.

I'm going to wish for a road course win for RHR in 2008. Being from Iowa, I'm big into the corn and the corn-based alcohol, so maybe squeeze out a victory at a road course that Dixon doesn't dominate. Some kind of sloppy pit strategy or something.

Danny Wheldon: I gotta confess that I'm pretty hip to Dan Wheldon. Very sidepod worthy and he may very well be my first non-Sarah driverware purchase in 2008. (Toss up between him and the Iceman.) Why? 'Cause he has personality. That's what I'm about -- personality. I'm not a big fan of Danistar, but I love the fact that she has personality. Sure, Dan is moody and high maintenance. But at least you see some passion in there. Wheldon and Dixon are a good team. Ying and Yang. The Introvert and the Extrovert. Plus, you know, they both have cool accents. Dan's willing to do the hair thing and wear the white shades and yellow racing booties. He's willing to be different, so big ups to him for that.

And, Dan makes a great rival for Danica. The dust up after Milwaukee -- loved it. God help me, I did love it so. Props and shout outs to both Danistar and D-Dubbya for the post-race show and the quippy/pointed comments afterward.

For Danny, I'm wishing for the Return of Jamie Little in 2008. Since Jamie left it hasn't been the same. Maybe the Jamie Vacuum just messed up Dan's mojo or something. Come back to us, Jamie. For Dan's sake. Gotta give a frowny face to Dan for not responding to my request for a Q&A in 2007 (or was it 2006?). Would have been epic, Dan. Maybe in 2008. But I'll cut you major slack because you went out of your way (breaking off a discussion with the Iron Hand of Justice AND T. George, in fact) to sign an autograph for my daughter at Iowa. Big.

Brian Barnhart: The Iron Hand of Justice. Going to wish for him to find his black flag in 2008. It could be just me, but seems like a lot of "rules" in the IRL rule book (Shhhhhh. The contents of the rule book are a secret!) have a "in most cases" behind them. Blocking is called then not called. All kinds of crazy shit on the track last year. The IHJ didn't see a thing in many cases. Kind of an inconsistency problem there, Bri. Call 'em both ways. Also, the IHJ blew off my request for a Q&A in 2007. That stings, Brian. It really does.

The Indy Racing League: More unscripted moments of passion and emotion. It's OK to show people pushing and shoving. To show them flinging stuff and venting. Give us the emotion, the passion. Let us look inside the helmets. You have to be a little psycho to be a race car driver in the first place. Let us see some of that freakshow. Plus I wish for a more even playing field in 2008. The biggest threat to the league is eight cars bitchslapping the field every weekend. You know what that is? BORING. Eight out of 20 having a shot to win is not good. AGR, Penske and Target Chippy Ganassi winning every week is B to the O to the R-I-N-G.

There ya go. I hope all these wishes come true in 2008. I'll be trackside at Kansas, Iowa, Chicagoland and maybe Milwaukee in 2008. Extendo coverage! And remember, above all, better dead then fendered!