Wheldon Denies Crashing on Purpose During Homstead Qualifying

IndyCar star Dan Wheldon Saturday hotly denied that he crashed on purpose during qualifying in an attempt to "add drama" to the Saturday night race.

"Don't be daft," said a Wheldon spokesperson. "Of course Dan didn't crash on purpose. By crashing, he only makes the odds longer that he and Scott Dixon will lap the field. Coming from the back, it's now only a 74% chance that he'll lap the field. If he starts from the pole, it was an 89% chance."

Despite denials, rumors persist that Wheldon "got loose" in a very Bryan Herta-like fashion (Infineon: "I'm spinning! I guess the boss's son wins. Damn."). Since Target Chip Ganassi has roughly 32 spare cars, getting a new ride ready for the race shouldn't be an issue.

"We'll have the guys roll it out after they are done with their coffee break," said a TCG crew member who declined to be named. "I think there are a couple of decals we have to put on it and it should be good to go."

Conspiracists believe Wheldon took the wall in order to start dead last in the race. With his huge advantage in speed -- five miles per hour over some cars -- he'll likely pass 10 to 12 cars by turn three. That will make the TV guys freak out and give him monster high-def air, followed by repeated replays of Wheldon carving up the field.

"It'll be very Tony Kanaanish, I tell you," said one insider. "I hear that Dan plans to wave at each one on the way by."

In related news, IndyCar superstar Danica Patrick had her people deliver terse notes to the new crop of backmarkers now in the league. The notes read, in part, "When you see the tiara in your mirrors and smell the perfume, time to move over boys. Don't make me bitchslap you're ass or take my publicity to NASCAR."

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Comments

[flyingpiano]

wheldon must be getting mad, first regulated to the rear in what is probably his worst position in indy car history. Secondly Danica claims front row. He will be on a mission tonight.

[Sue]

And he blew by her like she was standing still!

[Nancy]

Thanks for the "street cred", Pressdog. In my all of my 43 years, it’s the one thing I never expected. Least of all from a Caucasian man living in Iowa.

[pressdog]

Here in Des Moines, Iowa, we're all about street cred. We're street, knowwhatimsayin'? Peace out, N-dog, and thanks for the photo.