Notes Taken During the 2008 Formula 1 Grand Prix de Monaco

Notes taken during the SPEED broadcast of the Grand Prix of Monaco, May 24, 2008.

Welcome to Monaco, the F1 race that everyone pees over. Bob Varsha tells us that Monaco is smaller than a shopping mall. Jackie Stewart gets air!

pressdog's beer of the race is Spaten Premium, brewed in Spaten-Bräu, Munich, Germany. (Since I watched this in the morning, I drank coffee, but while typing the notes, I hit the beer, just to be clear.)

What up from the Charlotte booth from Varsha, Steve Machett and David Hobbs. On the ground in Monaco, as usual, are Peter Windsor and the unseen John Mee-shell.

Morning warm up montage. Felipe Massa, in a stunning development, is on the pole, with Kimi Räikkönen right next too him in P2. A Ferrari front row. Shocker.

Machett -- Lewis Hamilton may have more fuel onboard and can go a few laps longer than the Ferraris. (F1 qualifying refresher -- you qualify and then your car is impounded, so how much fuel you have onboard when you qualify is what you start with and therefore part of the strategy. It can be as much or as little as you like. But you can't refuel after qualification as they did in Champ Car and do in the Indy Racing League.)

We got us some dampness on the track. Rain. Warm up laps. Cars on on "intermediary tires' which is kind of semi-wet tires, so they are semi-wet treaded. There's the "full wet" tires which have more tread yet.

Most go out on semi-wet tires. Not sure what the weather will do. May be able to run dries. Tire questions everywhere!

Lewis Hamilton gets air. Windsor working the grid. Mark Webber -- spitting rain. Dry on 85% of the lap but wet on the grid. John Mee-shell is working it. Umbrellas popping up. Pete with Quentin Tarantino, movie producer. Gets air. Hanging with the leaders (Ferrari). Hollywood loves a winner. Says first time in Monte Carlo ever, let alone for the race. Varsha explains that Monte Carlo, famous for its casinos, is one of four administrative areas of in Monaco.

Peter with Keke Rosberg, father of Nico Rosberg. Keke was the world champ in 1982, Nico is one spot off Keke's 1983 starting position.

Pete talks to his gym partner, Flavio Briatore, managing director of Renault.

Pete -- "Interesting headband situation Nico has going there. I won't say anything more about that." It's almost like Pete is working the red carpet at the Academy Awards or something.

His serene highness, Prince Albert (I swear. And no, he's not in a can.) and Princess Caroline from Monaco, are in the royal box. Some type of anthem, I'm guessing Monaco's.

Time now to bust out the gadgets with Racing Per Machett. Here's Steve with the steering wheel. Steve of Red Bull (no super under him so I didn't get the title and spelling. Bummer) runs us through all the buttons on the F1 steering wheel.

What Do You Think about Monaco Montage with driver's giving their opinions.

Felipe doesn't like it. Have to drive like a grandma to be quick around here. Jarno Trulli says it's different. Webber says biggest challenge is the level of concentration you have to have around Monaco. Zero tolerance for error. Alonso says it's different.

Pete Windsor. Mike Gascoyne, technical director of Force India. Wet tires. Gonna rain soon. 60% chance of rain in about five minutes.

Monaco Montage. F1 TV does a good job of location montages. First Monaco race was 1929. A third of the F1 drivers live there for tax purposes.

David Hobbs track analysis. Gridded. Parade lap. Heikki Kovalainen stalls! Can't get away on parade lap.

Starting lineup:

Massa, Räikkönen, Hamilton, Kovalainen, Kubica, Rosberg, Fernando Alonso, Trulli, Webber, Timo Glock, Jensen Button, Nick Heidfeld, Kazuki Nakajima, Rubens Barrichello, David Coulthard, Sebastien Bourdais, Nelson Piquet, Adrian Sutil, Sebastian Vettel, Ciancarlo Fisichella. Fisichella is in his 200th grand pix.

Gridded. Kovalainen is not out. Back in the garage or something.

Let's light this candle. Standing start. Red, red, red, red ... dark means green, green, green.

Räikkönen gets a crappy start! Lewis is around him on the inside and into second! Machett reminds us that there is no traction control on the car and it's the first time starting in the wet since they lost traction control.

Holy Circus Music! Rosberg is into the rear of Alonso. Rosberg's front wing is TOAST. Button pits to change nose. Replays of Button getting de-nosed.

Looks like the Safety Car is following the field. What's that about? (See answer in the comments below.)

77 to go -- Machett says Hamilton may be heavy on fuel. See qualifying fuel discussion above. Replay of Hamilton starting. Gets an Ashley Force-esque start. Blows everyone off the line and dives like a peregrine falcon inside Räikkönen. Rosberg pits. New nose.

75 go go -- Glock missing front wing. Going pretty well nontetheless. Video of Glock fish tailing around an "s" and losing his front wing pretty much on his own.

Glock is on full wet tires.

Holy shit. Lewis hit the wall. Slight hip check on the right rear. Right rear is flapping. Deflated. He dives into the pits. I think this happened like five feet in front of the pit in. Major break that he didn't have to go long to get in for a new tire. Gets intermediate wets and back out. Replays of the taggage.

Glock on full wets is going 1:39. Massa on intermediates is going 1:40. Full wets may be an advantage.

Hamilton is dirt tracking. Holy Knoxville Nationals. Hamilton is out in fifth. Alonso's right rear is TOAST. Not a good day for right rears. Must have gotten cut when Rosberg rear-ended him.

71 to go. Yellow yellow yellow. Two into the wall. Coulthard and Bourdais. Safety car may come out. Yes, Safety Car is out, and you can actually hear Machett peeing himself. He LIVES for the safety car to come out. "THERE IT IS, GUYS!" Insert excited clapping here. Dude, big shot of Scotch will help you with that.

Replays. Coulthard spins. Into wall. Bourdais comes around the corner and ASS RAMS him. WTF? Big smack. 12 Monacan personally injury lawyers help Coulthard out of his car and fit him with a neck brace. Looks like Coulthard can block even when he's in the wall (Rim snot!).

Onboard cameras. Raining. Cannot see shit. Seriously. Nothing. Maybe Bourdais just couldn't see him sitting there. He was kind of off line too.

69 to go -- when the Safety Car came out and made Machett's day. A message on the screen says Räikkönen is "under investigation" for something. Cryptic. Safety car also lets Hamilton close the gap created when he had to pit after hip checking the wall.

69 to go and we are green. Holy Quick Clean, Batman. The Moracans get down to business and clear the trashed car bodies, baby. Looks like they have cranes and stuff stationed around the course to get the cars out of there quick. Props for the quick clean up.

Massa, Räikkönen, Kubica, Hamilton.

Räikkönen gets a drive through! Satan makes a deal for a chord of firewood 'cause Hell might freeze. Ferrari is getting penalized. The penalty is for not having tires on the car at the 3 minute mark. Dude. Someone is getting screamed at in Italian right now.

67 to go. Massa is driving like it's dry. Alonso and Webber side by side. May have touched.

Varsha -- Incredulous that Massa's job was though to be in jeopardy after he failed to finish first two races.

Räikkönen has not gone for his drive-through penalty yet. They'll take their time. Hobbs is incredulous that Hamilton didn't go full wet tires when he came in.

Alonso working on Heidfeld. Onboard with Alonso. Räikkönen pits. Onboard with him, Varsha wonders if he's going the pit speed limit. I'm sure the stewards are taking a close look. (Not!)

Alonso tries to go under someone (Heidfeld, I think) in the hair pin and totally T-BONES him. WTF? Machett -- "You can't do it there." Machett forgets the laws of physics do not apply to Alonso. Carbon fiber everywhere.

Hobbs -- After all that schmozel, Adrian Sutil is 7th.

64 to go. Rain has stopped. Replay of Massa locking it up and going off into a little run off. Kubica gets by him.

62 to go -- Webber inside Heidfeld for fifth. Now Sutil goes under him at the hairpin. Heidfeld may have a tire down. Nope, he's missing a front wing. Piquet goes under Barrichello. Some crazy crap is breaking out at Monaco.

61 to go -- Heidfeld in for a new nose.

60 to go. Kovalainen is 12th in front of Vettel after missing the start.

Machett says everyone is starting to set his personal best laps, so the track is coming back. Drying out. More tire decisions coming soon.

59 to go -- Kubica, Massa, Hamilton, Räikkönen, Webber, Sutil, Trulli, Barrichello, Nakajima, Fisichella.

Kubica, Massa and Räikkönen have yet to pit for fuel.

56 to go -- Massa gets fast lap, Kubica answers, Massa answers. "This is awesome!" -- Machett.

Kubica, Massa, Hamilton, Räikkönen, Webber, Sutil, Trulli, Bordais, Nakajima, Vettel(!)

Crew shot. They keep showing the crews in their little holding areas and there's NOTHING. Looks as if they may all be dead and just propped up on seats. ZERO from the crew shot.

53 to go -- Kubica pits. Massa leads. Räikkönen is damaged! Front wing is toast. Replays of him going off. Ferraris all over the place. Räikkönen in for a new nose.

Massa is freaking out. Up 11 seconds on Hamilton.

Massa, Hamilton, Kubica, Webber, Sutil, Räikkönen, Trulli, Barrichello, Nakajima, Kovalainen.

50 to go -- Machett says he'd be pushing the button to have Massa pit. Massa pitting? NO."That's why I'm not sitting with the Ferrari Brain Trust," Machett said. Varsha -- "Keep Machett away from the button."

Hamilton trying to pick it up. Massa is +16.4 on him now.

Machett -- Ferrari may be thinking that if they keep Massa out long enough the can bring him in and go back to the dry tires.

47 to go. Hamilton sets fastest lap. Onboard with Sutil. Cut to the Force India crew. Nothing. I think I could detect one of them breathing.

Machett -- Hamilton has 8 more laps of fuel. May be dry enough by then for him to get dry tires.

42 to go -- Webber sets fastest lap. Sutil set's fastest lap. WTF? Hamilton is +15 on Massa. Video of a team room where someone appears to be sleeping. Hamilton is now +16.1 on Massa. Trulli is on intermediate tires.

Prediction of rain in 15 minutes. Glock is around. Spun. Goes ass-first into the barrier. Able to keep it going. Whips around and almost smashes Kovalainen. Replays.

Fisichella is OUT. Not sure why.

39 to go. Half way.

37 to go. Hamilton is 21.6 seconds ahead of Massa. Machett says you need 21 to 22 seconds to pit and come out in the same position.

Bourdais gets air watching the race from his team area.

36 to go. Hamilton is 23 seconds ahead of Massa. Barrichello sets the fast lap.

35 to go -- Hamilton is pushing. Now up by 24.9 seconds. Leaders have lapped field to P7.

34 to go -- Rosberg cuts the chicane by the swimming pool.

Alonso radio. Asking him if he needs dry tires. Very greasy off line. Very wet. Very risky.

Rosberg cuts a chicane. Has to give back a position.

Machett says if he was managing a car he wouldn't to go dry tires.

Alonso pitting. Gets dry tires! Booth guys light up. Machett is now 0 for 2 on car boss calls.

Machett -- if rain arrives in 5 minutes (as predicted) it's a disaster for Alonso. If not, it's a stroke of genius.

32 to go. Windsor -- Don't see rain coming from his position in the RV area.

31 to go. Piquet pitting. Gets dries as well. Alonso is dirt tracking! Replay. Slide through the chicane.

30 to go. Will McLaren bring in Hamilton for dry tires.

Replay -- Heidfeld through the chicane! Everyone's cutting the chicane these days. Webber pits. Gets dries. Out.

Kubica -- has caught up with Massa.

29 to go. Yellow yellow yellow. Piquet goes nose first into the wall.

Hobbs -- I told you. I told you Nelson Piquet wasn't the guy to be trying dry tires on.

29 to go. Everyone pitting is getting dries now.

28 to go. Hamilton is up by 30.9 seconds.

25 to go. Hamilton, Massa, Kubica, Sutil (!), Barrichello, Nakajima, Vettel, Webber, Rosberg.

Replay. Glock whips it around. Loses it. Alonso sets fastest lap on dry tiers.

Everyone heads for the pits for dry tires. Varsha -- everyone saw Alonso's time.

Hamilton pits from the lead. Machett -- we need a wide shot to see what the tires are. (They are showing the Hamilton Cam that looks right up at his head from the steering column). Varsha -- Enough already, show us the tires.

Lewis is in and out in first. Massa on intermediates. Lewis is on out on dry tires.

Replay -- Jensen gets pushed by Kovalainen.

23 to go. Massa is 15.4 seconds back.

22 to go. Massa pits. Big wing adjustments. Soft dry tires. Out in third. Booth guys speculate he's trying to  protect his third position.

Räikkönen in for some dries. Sutil is ahead of Räikkönen. Not only is a crust of ice reported on the sun, but Hobbs is clearly on fire about the situation.

Räikkönen out in fifth. Sutil is FOURTH. Force India in FOURTH. Satan shops for long underwear! 

Crew shot -- nothing. Like looking at a painting.

19 to go. Hamilton, Kubica, Massa, Sutil (!!), Räikkönen, Webber, Vettel (!!), Barrichello, Nakajima, Rosberg.

17 to go. Yellow yellow yellow. Nico Rosberg gets wide. On the wet. Mashed into barrier, ping pong down the track.

Hamilton was 40 seconds ahead of Kubica. Safety car is out so that will evaporate that lead.

Replays. Got it up on the curbs. Up in the air. Hobbs -- "Of course it won't turn when it's up in the air. You can turn the wheel all you like."

Varsha -- shout out the course marshals who are on every wreck like cats and get the thing cleaned up in a hurry. Video of a crane lifting the dead car up about five stories. Agreed! Very deserved shout out to the clean-up guys.

Onboard view from the car dangling thusly.

Replay. Car hits right by a course marshal's spot and he/she has to DIVE for cover. Underwear will need to be cleaned on that one.

Carnage montage. Machett is briefly excited since he thinks this is all fresh carnage for him to eyeball. It's a festival of carbon fiber retrospective, though.

Lapped cars get the wave around for the big restart shoot out.

14 to go. Machett says we're getting close to the 2 hour rule.

12 to go. Sutil's radio -- Next challenge behind you is Räikkönen, in front of you is Massa. Two guys you are racing. Dude, seriously, hell is reportedly down to 43 degrees F.

It's a timed race. 11:35 to go. The crashed car is off and we're ---- GREEN.

Massa is on Kubica. Räikkönen is on Sutil.

10:40 to go. Hobbs -- Imagine how Sutil feels ..."Should I overtake Massa or should I let Räikkönen pass me?"

Overhead shot of Räikkönen chasing Sutil. Booth guys: "wo-wo-wo-wo NOOOOOO." Räikkönen has a major brain freeze, gets all fishy and plows right into the back of Sutil. Cue the circus music! A tiny Ferrari clown car pulls up and 87 inscrutable clowns jump out and start throwing bits of Force India car at the crowd.

Windsor admires Räikkönen's car control, even though it totally ass-ended Sutil. Seems like an inappropriate time to give Räikkönen a shout out, right after he ass-rammed a plucky underdog out of the race.

Hamilton sets fastest lap. Räikkönen in for a new nose. Sutil is in too. Räikkönen out. Sutil is JUNK. BLOWN UP, sir! Something in the rear is TOAST. He's done. 

6 minutes to go. Replays of Räikkönen hitting a bit of a depression and having his car go ultra spastic. Hobbs -- That's what we called a tank slapper. Video of Sutil bent over a counter (probably hurling into a sink) in the team area. Shot of Ferrari pit crew holding area. Nothing. May in fact be a still picture placed in front of the monitor to fool security.

3 minutes to go. Hobbs -- Fisichella did something like that in Turkey and got a five spot penalty for it. Will Räikkönen get a penalty in Canada?

I'd say yes, unless F1 needs to send out a search party for a pair of testicles.

1:30 to go. Hobbs -- Rumor that Alonso will join Ferrari in 2010. Question is who goes? Maybe Räikkönen if he gets bored winning championships.

40 seconds to go. Hamilton will win barring brain fade. Last lap.

Hamilton wins. Much in-car fist pumping. Ham Cam shows him going nutty in the car. Lewis parks it. Dad and brother get air. Massa and Kubica are waiting for Lewis as Hamilton dives onto everyone in sight.

Hamilton up to get the trophy from Prince Albert. Then Kubica. Then Massa. Hamilton is the first Brit to win Monaco since 1969 when Graham Hill did it. Anthem coming. God Save the Queen. Puffy Sean Combs gets air.

Champagne spraying the crowd. Crowd control workers get it in the head.

Points: Hamilton 38, Räikkönen 35, Masaa 34, Kubica 32, Heidfeld 20.

Constructors: Ferrari 69, McLaren Mecedes 53, BMW 52.

Interview room. Pete Windsor. He always says something like "Scooteria Ferrari Maraboro," but really fast like "scoteriaferrarimaraboro." I assume this is some type of sponsor thing or something. Not sure. So I googled and came up with Scuderia Ferrari Marlboro.

Hamilton: at one point had a 40-second lead. I thought 20 laps keep the same lead or use a little of it or whatever. Then the Safety Car came out. Restart no sweat. Counting down the laps. Bloody hell it took a long time.

Massa said the biggest mistake was the track stayed dry when they expected rain.

Lewis: Gotta be the highlight of my career and will continue to be the highlight of my career. Glad his father and brother were there. Shout out to his mom. "Lots of love, mum."

That's it from Monaco. Check back to see if Räikkönen gets nailed for arse-ending Sutil.

Tun in for the GP of Canada (Montreal), Sunday, June 8, 1 p.m. Eastern on FOX (I think it's FOX. Check your local listings!).

Comments

[Aaron]

What is the deal with Honda being so noncompetitive?

[pressdog]

I'm no F1 expert, but I think the Honda engines are basically engines Honda sends over and says "knock yourselves out" whereas the Ferrari and Mercedes engines are SUPER TWEAKED factory team engines into which the companies pour a few trillion dollars to optimize performance, so to speak.

[gary patrick]

Dawg, the F1 medical car (very bitchin' Mercedes wagon) always follows the start in F1 given the historical frequency of the first corner turning into a festival of carbon fiber.

check out http://www.f1technical.net/news/8395 for more.

[pressdog]

Dude, thanks for the tip! Makes total sense. My viewing is enhanced. Seriously.

[gary patrick]

One of the most glorious things I've ever seen/heard is the F1 Medical car ripping off practice laps around an otherwise empty track at Indianapolis. The exhaust note alone was enough to make me weak in the knees. And the sight a wagon attacking corners and rocketing down the straits like you'd expect a Corvette or Ferrari to do was a total afront to my sensabilities.

[PatW]

Bit late commenting so this may not get seen, but this video is the F1 safety & medical cars running practice laps at Indy (may be the same session Gary Patrick saw):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BorYVg8nkbs

Also just to correct something, Lewis was the first Englishman to win since 1969 and not the first Brit - Coulthard won it in the 90s.