What's in store for the IndyCar series in 2009? pressdog.com asked some of the luminaries of the IndyCar coverage world for their Big Hairy Audacious Predictions for 2009.
I goaded, prodded and generally dared these people to get a little nutty, so take them in the fun spirit they were intended. Lighten up, Francis!
The panel of super-incredible open-wheel geniuses: Patrick Stephan from Trackside Online, Curt Cavin from the Indianapolis Star, John Oreovicz from espn.com, the always-delightful Robin Miller who has yet to be fired from speedtv.com, and IndyCar word butchers Jeff Iannucci of MyNameIsIRL.com, Johnny Hall from LiveFastRacing.com and super-gregarious (she's a Canadian, eh? Beauty!) Meesh Beer from So ... here's what I'm thinking.
Let's light this candle:
First up is Patrick Stephan from Trackside Online. TSO is a 100% fan-supported IndyCar news service that rocks pressdog's world. Patrick, Joe and the crew shoot out all the team PR stuff they get, plus deliver most excellent original content right to your inbox. Rush immediately to tracksideonline.com and join me as a subscriber.
Patrick represents thusly:
Prediction 1 -- Danica Patrick will win another race -- and it'll probably happen in Japan again with just a few bleary eyed race fans watching back in the states. #1a -- Danica will make the news at least 5 times for something besides winning a race. Could be a towel thrown in her face (again), a foot stomping temper tantrum (again), or a surprise bikini photo shoot (again)!
Prediction 2 -- Texas, Richmond and Iowa will again put on the best races of the year, but a small yet vocal group of team owners and "fans" will continue to call for more boring concrete canyon autocross "events."
Prediction 3 -- At least 24 cars will start every race in 2009. Granted, that is down from 2008, but it's a heck of a lot better than we really have the right to expect in this crap economy.
Prediction 4 -- Vitor Meira will finally win a race, and yes he'll do it driving for AJ Foyt. Just to make sure the irony meter is pegged to the hilt, Vitor will win on fuel mileage at a street circuit (or possibly in Japan with AJ watching on TV back in Houston).
SUPER DUPER PREDICTION 5 -- EJ Viso will piss off some of his competitors. OK, that's not really going out on a limb. Seriously, my big hairy audacious prediction is that drivers from the US will win more races in 2009 than those from other countries. Now, for this to happen, Danica and Marco need to step it up, and Ryan Hunter-Reay needs a ride. #5a -- DuQuoin and Springfield are announced as part of the points paying 2010 schedule! (A guy can dream can't he?)
Next up is racing geek (and we use that word with affection) John "Oreo" Oreovicz who's the font of open-wheel wisdom on rpm.espn.com. Check out Oreo's most recent body of work HERE. Thus spaketh they Oreo:
Even pressdog is smart enough to know that the winner of the 2009 IndyCar Series championship will drive a Dallara-Honda on Firestone tires. I'll go waaaay out on a limb and predict it will be a man.
But here are some less obvious predictions:
Prediction 1 -- Ashley Judd will emerge from her career slump as the expert technical analyst for IndyCar broadcasts on VERSUS.
Prediction 2 -- Bruno Junqueira and A.J. Foyt IV will improve their English using the Rosetta Stone system.
Prediction 3 --2009 will be Danica Patrick’s last full season in IndyCars. Tired of running 8th and making $5 million a year in open-wheelers, she quintuples her income (and her misery) to run 38th as Kia’s lead driver in the 2010 NASCAR T-Mobile Cup. Jack Arute will break the story on April Fool's Day.
Prediction 4 -- Stanton Barrett will crash at every track (a man’s gotta test the limit) and quietly head back to Hollywood (errr, Lake Norman) after the Indy 500.
Prediction 5 -- Dan Wheldon will sport a crew cut to honor his association with the U.S. Army National Guard. He’ll also land personal sponsorships from Close-Up toothpaste and Bruno Magli shoes.
Prediction 6 -- EJ Viso will piss somebody off, on or off the track. If HVM Racing signs Robert Doornbos, he probably will too.
Prediction 7 -- Tony Kanaan will pick up the nickname Pinnochio and be forced to switch to an open-face helmet when his nose mysteriously grows a little bit every time he talks about how great life is at Andretti Green Racing.
We were also fortunate enough to hear from Jeff Iannucci, Chairman, CEO and self-described word butcher for MyNameIsIRL.com. Jeff brandishes his intellect and wit on his site and much aclaimed podcasts. Jeffy speaks:
First off, I'm not big on predictions for any purposes other than entertainment, but fearing that no one else would step up for this activity Bill practically begged me to come up with something. I just wanted you to know this submission has more to do with friendship than actual prognostication.
I'm not a "see I told ya so" guy, so if any of these events actually occur then I'll tell you right now I'll be surprised as the rest of you. Anyhow...
Prediction 1 -- Marco Andretti wins at least one race. I realize this doesn't sound like a huge prediction, but when you consider he still only has the Herta-spinning, fuel-conserving, sleep-inducing win at Infineon in '06 as his only victory it is in fact going out on a limb to suggest any kind of win by Marco. But he very well could have won a few races in '08, most notably on the big ovals, so broken half-shafts notwithstanding he's going to be standing atop a podium somewhere next year (and note there is, of course, no podium at Indy).
Prediction 2 -- Tony Kanaan wins at Indy. I realize any race -- especially a 500 mile one with 33 competitors -- is a crapshoot, but Kanaan has led every one of his 7 races at Indy for an average of 30 laps. At some point one of those will be the 200th lap, right? Do you want to bet against that kind of performance? Fine, you do that -- I'll go with the odds and listen to the fans cheer for the Lloyd Ruby of this generation.
Prediction 3 -- Ryan Briscoe wins the championship. Quick -- name the only driver in the IndyCar series to win a road race, a street race and an oval in 2008. Oh wait, I just did. If a guy can go from 14th to 5th in half a season then it stands to reason he's a force to be reckoned with. Sorry Mr Dixon, but Briscoe Inferno is going to burn this mamma down in 2009.
Prediction 4 -- The IRL debut of Nelson Phillipe. Bad economies mean ride buyers, and for whatever reason this guy with his luxurious locks is the first name that comes to mind. A few weeks ago I made a joke to a friend who told me in all seriousness that Nelson is already waving several million dollars around to score a bimergified ride, so for all I know this may be a moot point by now.
Prediction 5 -- IndyCars in Europe! On the one hand it's been a folly of American open-wheel series (serieses?) to attempt an F1-type schedule and take on the massive expenses of hosting events overseas, but by 2010 the actual Formula One will have abandoned storied tracks like Silverstone, Hockenheim, Monza and Magny-Cours. I know the worldwide economy is bad now but it will improve at some point, and since Tony George is big on tradition it isn't far-fetched to expect him to score some global sponsors and secure least two European dates for the Dana Kirkpatrick IndyCar series.
Drumroll .... it's the irascible Robin "F*&% YOU, pressdog!" Miller! (Note: Robin has never actually yelled that at me, and if he did it would most certainly be a sign of affection.) Robin blew the lid off the whole mergification thing and manages to enrage the most people of anyone in all of motorsports, as evidenced by getting his hard card revoked by the Champ Car World Series for writing discourteously about one of its glorious leaders.
Lately he represents for speetv.com, and the pdog never misses a column. Robin opines the following:
Prediction 1 -- Marco and Danica will take each other out in the season opener and TJ Patrick and Michael Andretti will get in a fist fight in the pits and the IRL will score its highest-ever TV rating. SportsCenter will actually play the video in a continus loop but the race winner will never be mentioned.
Prediction 2 -- The war in IRAQ will escalate and, in a rare bit of botched paperwork, The National Guard will force Dan Wheldon into combat. In keeping with Panther's tradition, Spain's Oriol Servia will take Wheldon's place instead of an American.
Prediction 3 -- Ed Carpenter will spin out on a road course.
Prediction 4 -- In an attempt to gain more viewers, VERSUS announces that A.J. Foyt will be miked at all times during race weekends and not censored, bleeped or edited.
Prediction 5 --Tony George will announce that he doesn't care about IndyCar racing, doesn't want to run it and never did, and confesses his only real passion is the Westminster Dog Show. He gives his team to his wife, names John Mellancamp IRL president and is never seen again.
Buckle up for some on-the-rev-limiter snark from our boy Johnny Hall of LiveFastRacing.com. Johnny and his cohort The Duke are masters of all things racing, including the Two-Wheel Wonders, N-Word and F1.
Don't miss their in-depth podcasts! In a canny attempt to differentiate himself, Johnny gives us the Predictions Countdown:
Prediction 5 -- Danica Patrick will go to NASCAR. After winning another Indy Car race due to diminished fields, lackluster competition and race attrition, she will land a deal with a NASCAR team to run a partial Nationwide schedule following Chicagoland and then race the Cup Series full time in 2010.
Indy Car loyalists will be split on her departure as it will move her disproportionate media coverage to another, less-deserving series but will also potentially give a bit of the remaining spotlight to the other eighteen or so drivers in the Indy Car Series. Danica (and her many sponsors) will be welcomed with open arms in the NASCAR world even though she will do about as well as Dario but with far more radio mishaps and steering wheel slaps.
She will also have to play second fiddle to Scott Speed in the glamorous pedicures/overall cattyness department, which may or may not lead to pit lane slap fights relative to Joan Collins era "Dynasty".
Prediction 4 -- Dario Franchitti will not win a race. Although it's great that he's back in Indy and filling that "Elvis hair and questions about possible weight gain" void that was left with Sam Hornish's departure, the old boy just won't be able to get it done this time. Ol' Jock McBain spent too many laps getting run over in tin tops to get back in the game mentally this year, even with his loving wife's emphatic televised third-person affirmations.
Prediction 3 -- Robin Miller will investigate the sale of AMA Pro Racing to the Daytona Motorsports Group. After having his love of racing rekindled at the Indy Mile motorcycle dirt track races last summer during the MotoGP weekend in Indy, Robin will put his intrepid investigative skills to work in revealing how such a visually incredible and iconic form of racing could be so mismanaged as to go bankrupt and disappear off the face of the American racing scene.
His efforts will result in his nomination (and upset win) of a George Polk Award. Following the crest of this tidal wave, his next epic work will be an expose on how the DMG ran 4 of 5 of the factories out of their revampedSuperbike series and exactly how many new sponsors they have really brought on board for 2009.
The reward for this second, potentially more powerful work will be Mr. Miller never having to buy another meal wherever there is single motorcyclist again, which will likely prove more valuable to Robin than the Polk Award.
Prediction 2 -- Versus will do great with the 2009 Indy Car Season. Allaying the doubts and fears of Indy Nation, Vs will do an outstanding job of covering the races, updating fans on series happenings and creating cool new ways to attract new fans to the sport.
Everything this network has been doing lately has been solid and there's no question they will take all those lessons learned and amp them up for the Indy Car coverage, because they know the eyes of the world will be on them. And if by some freak chance they do happen to bomb, it sets me up for a nice win-win in that it's that much more bicycle racing and hunting/fishing shows I get to watch.
Prediction 1 -- Scott Dixon will repeat as Indy Car Champ. After a stunning repeat at the Indy 500, Dixon will shock the Indy faithful by following it up with a win at Milwaukee and back to back wins at Kentucky and Mid Ohio later in the year. He will blister the field by winning between one-third and one-half of all the races this season ... And The World Won't Listen.
As the media blatantly ignores him and the Indy Car Series continues to refuse to acknowledge the existence of one of its most marketable stars in a generation, the Iceman will quietly celebrate his third championship by leaving the series to join Eric Bostrom at the mango farm and tilapia ranch in Brazil.
Just when you thought it was safe, the Ragin' Canadian Meesh Beer pops in with some red-line brashness, as evidenced by her describing 2008 as "an adrenaline rush of what the f*ck?!” Meesh represents on F1 and IndyCar on her blog So ... here's what I'm thinking.
Go on, Meesh, bust some off for ma homeys:
Since truth is often stranger than fiction, and we will all soon enough be dissecting the truly bizarre real events & oddities taking place in the world of racing, (medals in F1???) I took P-dog's direction of "feel free to be whacky" to the extreme. Here are my bold predictions: *disclaimer: No drugs or alcohol were consumed during the making of these predictions*
Prediction 1 -- In an attempt to increase the parity in the field between the oval specialists and the road course specialists and improve the "show," the league will hold a random draw prior to each race to determine the direction the race will be run, taking away any preconceived left/right advantage. The ensuing confusion on pit lane becomes a drinking game for the viewing audience.
Prediction 2 -- A handful of talented, rideless drivers will pool their resources to form "Arrive n' Drive Racing," fielding one car for the season for which they will share the driving duties under the singular name: "Rask Ardriver." Cleverly scheduling the season according to their individual specialties, they will dominate the league, capturing both the team and individual championship. 7 tiny trophies will be created for the end of year banquet.
Prediction 3 -- In an attempt to fill out the sparse field and increase the car count without depleting their bank accounts, the owners will each field one additional entry which they will pilot themselves. This "senior" tier will have its own points/championship award. In a redemptive sense of irony, Dale Coyne will finally enjoy his first elusive win, and kick himself for not pulling a "Marty Roth" sooner.
Prediction 4 -- The league will actually listen to the fans and improve the tv package offering, culminated by the surprising reveal of Tommy Kendall in the booth during the first broadcast. Unfortunately track attendance will actually decrease throughout the season as the commentating will become far more interesting than the actual product.
Prediction 5 -- In an attempt to boost the economy, governments worldwide lift the ban on tobacco advertising in motorsports, opening the untapped sponsorship floodgates once again. This draws the reclusive Jerry Forsythe out of the shadows, who, in a ridiculous show of mettle and mad skillz, forms a Canadian super team conglomerate, resurrecting Team Players and fielding cars in several auto racing series around the world simultaneously. The end of the season tally is as follows:
- F1 Champion - Jacques Villeneuve
- IndyCar Champion - Paul Tracy (come on, you knew I was gonna go there eventually!)
- NASCAR Cup Champion - Patrick Carpentier
- Grand AM Champion - Michael Valiente
- ALMS C0-Champions - Alex Tagliani & Andrew Ranger
*ok, maybe a little vodka...
Let's go back to reality for a second, shall we? Enter Curt Cavin, open-wheel racing reporter for the mighty Indianapolis Star. You can read Curt's Indy Expert blog here, and catch him on ESPN 1070 The Fan for Trackside with Kevin Lee here.
Curt expects these five things happen:
Prediction 1 -- Dixon and Dario will get along swimmingly in the Ganassi pool, so much so that they become the standard by which teammates are judged.
Prediction 2 -- Wheldon and Kanaan will have spats early and often, beginning at St. Pete.
Prediction 3 -- Paul Tracy will miss another season and fewer people complain about it. Sign of the times, unfortunately.
Predictions 4 -- Danica will go a few rounds with someone. Won’t be Wheldon, Briscoe or Milka. Probably Viso since they fit the same tape measure.
Prediction 5 -- Helio not only doesn’t get to race, he has to watch Briscoe win the 500 and the championship.
Last -- and most certainly least -- your racing servant, pressdog (let the record show I wrote these before I received the others). I also gave myself room for 10 since, you know, it's my blog:
Prediction 1 -- An IRS/SEC/Justice Department probe shows investigators ignored tips on Bernard Madoff's $50 billion ponzi scheme in order to "pursue a real menace to society, Helio Castroneves."
Prediction 2 -- IndyCar Pit Hotty Brienne Pedigo enters Dancing with the Stars and makes it to the finals before losing a controversial one-point decision to ESPN football sideline reporter Suzy Kolber. Brie denies yelling "Look, there's JOE NAMATH" at a key moment in Suzy's dance.
Prediction 3 -- Danica Patrick petitions traffic court to allow her oft-photographed PR operative, Haley, to attend in her place and "you know, share her notes with me." After the court rejects that motion, Danica does indeed attend traffic school to atone for her heinous speeding violations. Patrick's father, TJ, has to be removed by Scottsdale police after heckling the instructor. Rumors that Danica spends class exchanging email with Richard Childress on her iPhone cannot be confirmed.
Prediction 4 -- After a practice run at Snorenoma, Danica and Milka Duno brawl in the pits. What starts with towels and f-bombs quickly escalates into haymakers and thrown air guns. The melee briefly includes Jack Arute, during which Duno can be clearly heard yelling "Chihuahua this, cabrón!" at Arute. After IndyCar officials find that YouTube video of the brawl raised IndyCar brand awareness by an estimated 728%, the Iron Hand of Justice rules that "girls will be girls" and assess no penalties. Arute spends the rest of the season using "warriors going into battle" metaphors.
Prediction 5 -- Former IndyCar driver Darren Manning wins a contract from the Indy Racing League to set up a beer stand near the media center at every race. The stand, called More Pints of Beer!, earns Manning more than double what he ever made driving "and I don't have to try and figure out what the hell AJ is saying all the time." Bloggers and team PR spokespersons alone account for 86% of Manning's sales.
Prediction 6 -- Iowa Corn Growers briefly consider pulling their sponsorship from the Iowa Corn 250 at Iowa Speedway, then reconsider after realizing an estimated 19 people even know that Brazil makes ethanol. Iowa Speedway seems unconcerned, saying, "We got Nationbusch and the trucks now, so knock yourselves out, IndyCar."
Prediction 7 -- On a dare, 2008 Points Champion Scott Dixon sits out the St. Petersburg race and still wins the 2009 points championship. Helio's replacement at Penske wins three races, causing Penske Racing to get into a copyright dispute with Geiko after unveiling their new slogan "Winning in a Penske car; so easy a caveman could do it."
Prediction 8 -- Bowing to the demands of bloggers, IndyCar race media centers install a "blogger section" that features 22 lawn chairs on the roof of the media center, two cases of diet Coke in a cooler and a garden hose for water. Track catering throws bags of chips and raw pork hindquarters up to the pirranna like bloggers twice a day.
Prediction 9 -- Sarah Fisher wins at Chicagoland, causing one veteran, mercurial blogger to "stroke out." Sarah is later disqualified, however, after inspectors find a 410-cubic-inch Chevrolet sprint car engine welded into her Dallara. Officials would only say "We thought the cowling looked a little goofy."
Prediction 10 -- IndyCar shudders with employee strife after Tony George decrees that all IndyCar employees must attend a race of their choice as a random fan. That means from handing over tickets at the gate to sitting next to a N-word fan who is only there because the IndyCar race was part of a season ticket he or she was forced to buy in order to watch the N-word.
Tony's in-box is flooded with "what did we do to you that you would treat us like common fans?" A traffic snarl develops at the first race as Terry Angstadt tries to convince a security official that two $65 tickets actually equate to a hard card and therefore should gain him access to infield parking.
Another group of IndyCar managers spend the whole race in their car parked an estimated 23 acres from the track waiting for "the golf cart to come pick them up." Security Chief Charles is detained briefly by track security after he gets into a melee when a drunken N-word fan hurls down the back of his shirt in section 121 of Kansas Speedway.
Mega and extreme thanks for all those who participated. Rush to their sites and reward them with some traffic. So let it be written, so let it be done ...
5. MIlka Duno wins in Japan and is so emotional that no one can understand her (but is widely recognized from her role in SPEED RACER!)
4.Ryan Briscoe wins more races than his new teammate and is less recognized than his new bride.
3. Marco wins another* race.... in the A1 GP series outside of the United States.
*(without driver-aids: team mates)
2. Tony Kannan will appear more clean shaven than Helio Castroneves on the Borg Warner Trophy.
1. The Indycar series Will be a Hit with the Versus Network. Arnie the Insider will appear as the new talent in the role of moderator for the pre race coverage!
Posted by: Tim Nothhelfer | January 10, 2009 at 08:53 PM
Hey, word butcher/name butcher: "IndyCar driver Darrin Manning" should have been "IndyCar racer Darren Manning."
Posted by: Brian McKay | January 10, 2009 at 09:03 PM
Nice work!
Just on what Jeff said in no.5 - there was a short news story in Autosport magazine this week (which I haven't seen elsewhere) stating that Tony George wants to make the rules package sportscar style, i.e. Le Mans sets the rules which are then picked up by different series in Europe, America, a proposed one in Asia.. Wouldn't it be great if there were an IndyCar series on each continent and they all came together at Indy? Mega Big Bump Day!
I tell you what, this Brit would love a European IndyCar Series to come along and replace some of the more stupid series we currently have here.
Posted by: Pat W | January 11, 2009 at 07:33 AM
Once again, my internet knowledge is way enhanced.
The dog's blog rules with authority in '09.
Smashing predictions all around!
Posted by: ramblinman | January 13, 2009 at 03:07 PM