IndyCar Denies Rumor that AGR May be Stripped of Big Three Status

IndyCar officials Saturday denied rumors that Andretti Green Racing's status as a member of the "Big Three'" was undergoing double-secret probationary review.

After AGR cars qualified 8th (Hideki Mutoh), 10th (Danica Patrick), 16th (Marco Andretti) and 17th (Tony Kanaan) many observers wondered if AGR's membership in the Big 3 was in question.

"Just because two AGR cars qualified behind traditional back-packers like Dale Coyne, Dreyer & Reinbold and HVM racing is no cause for alarm" said an IndyCar official. "Certainly we're concerned. We were hoping that a team like Newman Haas Lanigan would have made it a 'Big Four' by now. Going down to a 'Big Two' (Target Chip Ganassi and Penske) would be a step backwards. We have contingency plans to do what we can to make that sound exciting, but we'd rather not go there. So we're taking a measured approach and trying to work with AGR to keep them in the Big Three."

So far in 2009 Target Chip Ganassi and Penske have won every race in the Indy Racing League. With AGR Tony Kanaan's cars allegedly being manufactured out of Legos by a team of Red Bull-swilling six year olds, fans wonder if AGR will win at all this year.

"We hope that some random luck and wild unpredictable events such as a fog of locusts over the track during one of our street or road races will give us at least a third team to win this year," said a league official. "You never know. Someone may pull a qualifying run out of his or her ass at a place like Mid Ohio or Snorenoma and start P1. Since it's easier to pass a gall stone the size of a golf ball than it is to overtake on one of our street/road courses, we may be set." 

In other news, the league was rushing emergency green What Would Danica Think bracelets to the crew at AGR. (Get yours HERE!)

"If Danica thinks that AGR is as good as she can do, and it's pig city down there, we fear that increases the odds that she'll bolt to NASCAR at the end of the season,'" said one official with a box of green WWDT bracelets. "And as you know, having Danica go to NASCAR would be worse than having your limbs ripped from your torso one at a time."

The Chagrin-o-Meter rose when Danica made these actual comments to VERSUS's Lindy Thackston after qualifying:

"It's especially (disappointing) giving our performance last year when Tony and Marco were on the front row. It's a bit of an eye-opener for us and we're all kind of scratching our heads an going 'what the heck happened here?'  After practice, I'm like if you want me to go faster, I need some more grip. We just need to figure out how to give the car more grip so it can go faster. Definitely a disappointing day."

Comments

[Brian]

AGR (and Team Green before it) has proven that it can engineer cars with mechanical grip and aerodynamic grip and win races. Richmond is a different world -- too small. If Princess thinks that Chip's organization will deliver her to the winner's circle repeatedly, well... we'll see. Danica doesn't drive fast enough, hard enough; she's not fearless. She's like Ed Carpenter, Hideki Mutoh and others who're afraid of hitting the wall. Seriously.

[John S]

Funny, and the funniest things are funny because they are true.