Notes taken during the VERSUS broadcast of the Firestone Indy 300 at Homestead-Miami Speedway on Oct. 10, 2009.
So on Saturday, I got a call from a confidential informant who said, "if you're not watching, turn on the qualification show right now." So I did and I saw:
pressdog is in the whiskey. WORD to my homezillas in the B-unit! Manly tears. Breathing into a bag. The whole deal. It's a festival of copious weeping. Kids, this is what happens when you drink and create graphics.
pressdog beer of the race is Sierra Nevada Anniversary Ale. From the site: "This beer is a big, full-flavored ale bursting at the seams with fresh, spicy and aromatic hops. Our 2009 Anniversary Ale is brewed in the style of an American IPA, a style that Sierra Nevada helped create." Gotta agree with that. Sierra Nevada is almost never a bad choice.
Championship intro schmaltz, complete with dramatic music. Lindy Thackston on the banking in turn 3 talking about Scott Dixon getting INHALED by Dario Franchitti in mid-3 in Chicagoland, 2007. I was RIGHT THERE in the stands.
Bob Jenkins with the championship trophy in the Sky Lair. Many scenarios win the thing. Basically it comes down to winner take all unless there is some goofy DNF going on.
Jon Beekhuis and Robbie Buhl in the garage. Not sure if they planned to have a car warming up i's engines when they were on the air or not, but it sure is. Major noise.
Ryan Briscoe Human Fireball video from Chicagoland 2005, my second-ever IndyCar race live. I believe it was Alex Barron who set the record for getting out of a damaged IndyCar that day. I think he thought his car was on fire. He was out in about two seconds, I swear. Well done.
Replay of Briscoe Brain Lock at Motegi, getting on the gas coming out of the pit under yellow and spanking the pit wall, screwing his race and maybe the championship.
Robbie Floyd with the Penske Twins. Pretty sure you know what they said. Work together. Etc. etc.
Versus introduces the teams of The Three Who Matter on air. Right tire changer and whatnot. Very cool.
LindyCar with a super pinked out Sarah Fisher. Al Speyer of Firestone whips out a huge check for $10,000 to give to Sarah to give to the Susan Komen foundation. Striking. Sarah continues to get monster air.
Brief video glimpse of someone looking at Dario Franchitti's car holding a can of Budweiser. Viewing enhanced. Jack Arute says Dario "cobbled together" a season. First beer spew of the day. When's the last time Ganassi "cobbled" (to mend or patch coarsely, to make or put together roughly or hastily) anything together? Yeah, it was slapped together in a hap-hazard hurry, Jack.
A look at who won the races this year. Should be brief, because it's only six guys and three teams.
LindyCar is in full pony tail mode this race. People there including LindyCar have tweeted that it's SUPER FRIGGIN' HOT there.
Right in here somewhere the Light this Candle!! graphic goes up again. Viewing super enhanced.
Ricky Davis, tire changer, gets monster air today. It's Team Day on Versus I guess. Jack lets us know in 1981 and 1982 he was part of an N-word team, it sounded like an over-the-wall type. Maybe PR. Not sure.
Jack: "They just want to light this candle and get it over with." Insert extended beer spew here. Jack. I never knew you cared.
Replay of Chicagoland five-wide insanity. Insert Robin Miller screaming "IT SHOULD BE BANNED" here.
Little Al (Al Unser Jr.) for the command. In honor of Breast Cancer awareness month, Ladies and Gentlemen start your Honda engines.
Hot and rolling. Arute in the sky lair. It must be hot or someone just sprayed water on him.
Cue the hat! BBBBBB-UNIT! What can I say? Love ya right back. Starting lineup brought to you by Trackside Online. For the finest in reader-supported news, be like the pdog and subscribe to Trackside Online. Patrick was in the swelter at Homestead all weekend and kicked out copious fabulousness. Subscribe today for Silly Season updates and all of the 2010 races.
Dario Franchitti, Scott Dixon, Ryan Briscoe, Ed Carpenter, Alex Lloyd, Graham Rahal, Danica Patrick, Marco Andretti, Raphael Matos, Mario Moraes, Helio Castroneves, Tomas Scheckter, Justin Wilson, Dan Wheldon, Tony Kanaan, Sarah Fisher, Milka Duno, EJ. Viso, Hidekki Mutoh, Mike Conway, Ryan Hunter Reay, Robert Doornbos, Jaques Lazier.
Let's light this candle. We're GREEN. Dario and Dixon go single file over the start-finish. Polite teammates, I guess. Target Twins are then immediately two wide. Jon says tire pressures not up yet, so DRINK YE BASTARDS.
Lap 3 -- two wide at the front continues. Robbie says the two are going for the two bonus points for most laps led. Good point, Robbie.
Arute says Dixon may be going two-wide to force Franchitti to burn fuel. Another good point, this time from JACK.
Lap 10 -- During commercial Briscoe inhales Dario.
Lap 15 -- Dixon is now .5 on Briscoe. Booth says "work the tools" which is good enough for me to say, Drink, bitches.
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Dixon, Briscoe, Dario, Marco, Danica, Dan Wheldon, Kanaan, Ed, Moraes, Helio.
Sarah started with a 204, and then quickly dropped into the high 190s. She's got issues. I swear out loud. Now she's lapped. Leaders have lapped to P20.
Lap 25 -- Leaders have lapped to P19. I have a bad feeling here.
Lap 32 -- Dario radio: Over steer middle, under steer exit of 4
Lap 38 -- 14 on the lead lap now. Ed is lapped in P15.
Lap 40 -- Dixon leads by 2. I'm starting to think the best move would be to go do something else and come back for the finish here, since it'll be The Three. These middle laps are just preliminaries, really.
Lap 45 -- Mrs. pressdog is now asleep on the couch.
Lap 46 -- Briscoe pits. Dixon pits.
Lap 50 -- Dario pits. Mr. Fuel Saver. Went four more laps than the other two who matter in this race.
Lap 52 -- Helio pits. Briscoe goes up in the gray and dust flies, apparently just because he can.
Lap 54 -- Leaders have lapped through P9.
Lap 60 -- Dixon, Briscoe, Dario, Danica, Tony, Wheldon, Lloyd (who is number 402 for some reason), Mutoh, Scheckter.
Lap 61 -- Marco has some kind of wheel fire in the pit. We see it on side-by-side, but it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS as far as the announcers go.
Lap 63 -- Lapped to P7. Fisher pits for a long time. She has major issues and is many laps down.
Lap 67 -- Buhl talks about working the tools. DRINK.
Lap 69 -- Jack predicts Helio will throw a block party for Dixon to help Briscoe out. I think Helio should throw part of his own wing on the track to stop this green-lap destruction of the field.
Lap 70 -- Rick Davis, tire changer, gets more air. I think we're lapped to P6 now.
Helio fails to throw a block party. Good for him. Class. Props. Now we have FIVE on the lead lap.
Arute says Sarah's issues are many. Try to fix it and makes it worse.
Sarah in car. Major liftage. Jon talks about working those tools. DRINK, ye bastards.
Leaders are about to lap Danica. If ever there was going to be phantom debris in this race, this would be it. IRL officials use 1100x binoculars to scan the track for even a bolt or soda bottle top.
Someone has a major twitch as they are getting passed. Who that is is none of your business.
Lap 79 -- Briscoe leads by 1.7. Tony is P4! ... and a lap down. The top three have lapped the field. Hooray! IndyCar is soooooooo competitive. Er not.
Lap 88 -- Sarah is blazing away at 192 mph, a solid 15 mph slower than the leaders.
Lap 90 -- Briscoe is 3.4 ahead of Dixon. Seriously? Glad I didn't actually pay to watch this. Heart goes out to the fans in the stands at Miami. Crowd looked pretty decent, actually, especially for Homestead. Next year's finally should have about seven people attending after this Festival of Fugly.
Lap 94 -- I honestly think here "this may be the worst oval I have ever seen." If not for the "who will win the championship" it probably would be at this point.
Lap 97 -- Briscoe went 50 laps and pitted with Dixon first stint.
Lap 101 -- Average speed of this yellow-less race is 200.7 mph. Normally I'd be giddy, but not with just three on the lead lap.
Lap 102 -- Dixon throws up a lap of 209, just because he can. Leaders are about 5 mph faster than the field. The Twittersphere is starting to hope for phantom yellows. I shake my head at what it has come to.
Lap 106 -- Dixon under Briscoe. CLEAR. Leads. Dixon, Briscoe, Dario. The rest -- don't matter. Let's be honest.
Chippy tells LindyCar that three cars on the lead lap makes for interesting strategy.
Lap 114 --- Bob -- sorry to report that Marco is out. Had a brake problem (about half an hour ago).
Lap 118 -- Dixon passed by Briscoe. Let the festival of fuel saving begin.
Lap 125 -- Mrs. pressdog is awake, but opts to take our dog for a walk than watch three cars in a fuel strategy race.
Lap 135 -- Replay of Dixon going between Viso and Sarah who are probably 10 mph slower than him.
Insert extended fuel saving discussion here.
Lap 147 -- Jenkins says never been an IndyCar race without a caution.
Lap 150 -- Dario pits. Robbie -- How interesting is this?
Me: Not very. Look, I get the fuel strategy thing. Really, I do. Street races are all about it. But I watch racing for speed and competition. Wheel to wheel. Winning by nine inches at the line. Drivers trying to go as fast as they can, not trying to see who can go four miles per hour slower than the other guy and still win. May be just me who is mostly turned off by the way this race is playing out.
At least we got some ...
Circus music! Danny and Danica are smacked together in the pits. Danica is sitting backward along the pit wall. Many hand gestures. Crew gets her turned around and into the pit. Her rear end is TOAST. Replay. Wheldon comes out of his box and spears Danica as she's coming into hers. Wheldon's crew's fault. Danica is probably done. Major repairs on the left rear. Wheldon is also done, although we hear nothing about it here, since it's none of our business.
A tiny car pulls up and 19 clowns get out and uses an air gun to fire Boost Mobile cross-dresser shoes into the crowd.
Lap 163 -- Briscoe leads the most laps and gets two bonus points. He should immediately get racy by going to fuel position 4 and slowing enough to compete for the win. (You read it right ... and as Roy Hobbson of Silent Pagoda says, I STAND BY IT.)
While Jon is going on and on and on and on and on about how Dixon and Briscoe will have to pit again before the end of the race and Dario will not, barring yellows, the booth guys could have served the few remaining viewers better by explaining the strategy, rather than just obsessing on what lap everyone will have to pit on.
Dario obviously had leaned it out and is content to let the other two get even a 24-second lead him, knowing if he keeps them from lapping him and they pit and there are no yellows, he wins.
Dixon and Briscoe have to decide if they want to go P1 full rich and get the wings back to try and lap Dario (or make him burn fuel to stay in front of them), hope for a yellow or try to lean it out as well. Since they pitted so many laps before Dario, their only option really is to get the wings back and try to lap Dario.
So while the camera follows the leaders, they should be showing us the relationship between the leaders and Dario. Because it's all about them catching and lapping Dario now. If I'm at the track, I'm watching Briscoe/Dixon close on Dario from behind and saying "can they catch him in time?" Could have been dramatic, but TV did about 40% of what they could have done to bring that drama to us.
It's very street racy. We should be constantly informed about the number of seconds the leaders have over Dario, and the number of seconds it takes to come in for a splash and get back out. There are about 25 seconds in a lap for a 1.5 mile. You probably need 45 or so to make a pit stop. SO, the challenge is for the two to get 45 seconds on Dario so you can pit from P1 and get back out in P1.
But instead we get to hear Jon repeat that if the two have to pit, Dario wins. I guess he thought there was nothing those two could do about it.
Lap 176 -- Jon. We have to have a caution or it (Briscoe/Dixon winning) is not going to happen. Thanks for deflating the drama, Jon.
Emma gets air. Ashley gets air, SANS floppy hat. Eyebrows raised. Briscoe's fiance Nicole Manske gets air. Getting married soon. November, I think. Don't quote me.
Lap 181 -- Briscoe coming in in three. His peeps should have been screaming for him to go fuel position P1 with the wings waaaaaay back to have any shot. As should the announcers, but no.
Dario is now 22 seconds behind the leaders, which means they are approaching him from behind on the track, but that video image is none of your business. Use your imagination to picture the desperate effort to lap Dario.
Lap 183 -- Robbie points out the speed differences between Briscoe/Dixon and Dario, but doesn't say what that means besides that it's neato and amazing.
Jon says for the 192nd time that Dario doesn't have to pit.
Dario is now 23 seconds behind the leader which means they gotta be about right on his ass, but still no video of Briscoe/Dixon approaching Dario from the rear. Viewing so not enhanced.
12 to go -- Dario just has to keep them behind him.
Jon says for the 193rd time that if Briscoe/Dixon have to pit they're screwed.
SHOW US BRISCOE IN RELATION TO DARIO ON THE TRACK. I'm begging you.
Lap 192 -- Dixon pits. He's screwed unless Dario has a fuel leak.
Lap 194 -- Briscoe pits. For the 194th time Jon tells us Dario doesn't have to pit.
Dario will win barring air strike or bad fuel calculations. Ashley gets air. Must be at least preparing her Gentleman Driver comments in her head.
Briscoe outlap, comes out on the track just behind Dario. Extremely street race-ish. Briscoe is -6 seconds from Dario. Jon tells us that's "a lap and then some." I briefly believe this but then figure out that, NO, Briscoe/Dixon are on the same lap still because they had a huge monstrous lead on Dario that Versus didn't think was any of our business before they pitted, just not enough to get out in P1. Nice job, Jon!
Dario leans it back to about 201 mph on Lap 195. Then 202 on 196. High 190s on 197. Tosses up a 205 mph on Lap 199.
Jon figures out he was full of shit earlier right in here.
1 to go. Dario wins the race and the championship. Congrats to him, but my viewer ratings points end here. I turn it off and go about my business elsewhere. I heard indirectly that Ashley was at her Moon Unit best. Pitty I missed it.
First ever IndyCar race with no yellow.
No American drivers won this year. May be a first. Five drivers (actually six, see correction in comments below) and three teams won all the races. AGR goes O-fer the season. Big three have won every oval since mid-2005, and Big 2 won them all his year. Because I care about the survival of this sport, which requires more fans and a bigger TV audience, I have to say IndyCar has a lot of work to do, in my opinion. This is not appealing to enough fans to work. How Richmond was putrid and an affront to racing (which it was) and this wasn't is beyond me.
Trackside Online final order: Dario Franchitti,Ryan Briscoe, Scott Dixon, (1 lap down) Tony Kanaan, Helio Castroneves, (2laps down) Hideki Mutoh, Mario Moraes, Alex Lloyd, Dallara-Honda, (three laps down) Tomas Scheckter, Justin Wilson, Graham Rahal, Ed Carpenter, (four laps down) Ryan Hunter-Reay, Raphael Matos, (five laps down) Mike Conway, (six laps down) E.J. Viso, Milka Duno, (13 laps down) Sarah Fisher, (15 laps down) Danica Patrick, (DNF) Robert Doornbos, Dan Wheldon, Marco Andretti, Jaques Lazier.
Points: 1) Dario 616, 2) Dixon 605, 3) Briscoe 604, 4) Helio 433, 5) Danica 393, 6) Tony 386, 7) Rahal 383, 8) Marco 380, 9) (tie) Wilson and Wheldon 354.
That's it for 2009. 2010 schedule says Brazil on March 14. Still no word on where or even if that race will happen. Stay tuned, I guess.
Was it just me, or weren't we promised that there would be a "major" announcement about sponsorship at Homestead, as well as the unveiling of the location for the Brazil race?
At this point I am considering calling up Angstadt and offering to let them run the race on my kids big wheels in our cul-de-sac. Heck, I'll even through in a G-spot to be the official title sponsor.
Posted by: Tom G. | October 11, 2009 at 12:30 PM
err... make that "throw in a G-note"
Quite the Freudian slip there. Must be all those Go Daddy commercials I sat through this season.
Posted by: Tom G. | October 11, 2009 at 12:32 PM
Clearly, the IRL will go wherever someone has the cash. The league has said for a couple months that an announcement re: Brazil is two weeks away, and they're sticking to that.
Posted by: pressdog | October 11, 2009 at 12:38 PM
Kind of glad this season's over. Hoping it's a little better next year with new faces in victory lane (along with at least the Penske boys).
Sounds like Helio and Ryan are going to have great off seasons with Ryan getting married and Helio about to be a dad.
Posted by: Paige | October 11, 2009 at 12:54 PM
I always enjoy reading your race notes. I just thought I'd point that that there were actually 6 winners from three teams (or technically 4 teams). The 6 winners (still 3 teams, although you could kind of argue 4 teams due to Penske Racing and Team Penske: Helio, Briscoe, Power, Franchitti, Dixon, and Wilson.
Now, I don't want to downplay the issues (and even as a huge fan I have to admit there are many, etc). But having 6 winners out of a typical 23 or 24 car field means that roughly 25% of the drivers won a race this year.
Posted by: VivaIndy | October 11, 2009 at 02:04 PM
Shame about Sarah Fisher's day and Versus TV. Loved the pink-sidewall tires, but heard no mention of Pink Floyd's text-to-40202 promotion.
I hope that Andretti racing can help Tony Kanaan to the winner's circle next year. he shouldn't feel left out in the cold while his buddies & rivals find success after success.
"Jack Arute says Dario "cobbled together" a season." I wish that The Silent Pagoda hadn't tired of maligning Jack. I'm so sick of him.
Posted by: Brian McKay | October 11, 2009 at 02:18 PM
You're right. I forgot about Will. I'll amend. I think three teams, since Power's car was essentially a Penske car.
Posted by: pressdog | October 11, 2009 at 02:19 PM
Oh, 6 drivers won. Surpisinly, non of my "spell checking commentors" have mentioned that, yet. The race was awful, even more so because I had no video feed, since my somewhat broke computer can't run IMS timing and scoring. Not thrilling at all, and neither is only 6 drivers on 3 teams.
Posted by: dylan | October 11, 2009 at 04:27 PM
Every race it’s Danica, Danica, Danica, Danica, Danica till ya want to puke. It’s “Oh my god, everyone is passing Danica…..what a brilliant strategy ….she’s saving her tires!!!” etc etc etc. Arghhhh!
At Miami ……………. nothing ………………. Danica didn’t exist. If Wheldon hadn’t punted her, her name wouldn’t have been mentioned. The announcers know something we don’t.
Instead we have Sarah in-cams (Sarah who???). We have Sarah pit stops. We have Sarah car setup disucussions. We have Sarah strategy & problems…… Sarah who was getting her ass kicked by Milka!!! Sarah is the new IRL hottie ……… and Danica is OUTA HERE!!!
Posted by: S0CSeven | October 11, 2009 at 06:57 PM
I only wish that were the case, SOCseven. More Sarah! Less, well, you know.
Posted by: Bluefalcon | October 11, 2009 at 07:17 PM
In all fairness SOCSeven, it was extremely obvious from the audio feed that Sarah's car was knackered
Posted by: Leigh O'Gorman | October 11, 2009 at 07:45 PM
Best part of the race: knowing that we won't have to see or hear that effing IZOD commercial anymore. Probably stuck with Danica commercials, though.
Posted by: Mandy | October 11, 2009 at 08:05 PM
P'Dog, thanks for the great reports during the season. Hope to see you again at Burger Bash next year. Going to my room to cry about season being over.
Posted by: Curling Racer | October 11, 2009 at 08:47 PM
I really hope their is more parity next year. Press....try to catch you at the burger bash next year!
Posted by: Tom M. | October 11, 2009 at 11:17 PM
Champ Car at one time tried to force pit stops at certain intervals to ensure that there will always be enough fuel to race flat out (i.e., potentially eliminating fuel strategy runs). It worked with some success, but not entirely a perfect scheme. (They would still save fuel to have a short last pit, but at least they raced flat out at the end.) I wish Indycar would seriously look at this and make some adjustments. Maybe offer points for a driver leading the race at certain intervals? Maybe adjust the race length so that there's no way to "stretch" your fuel between pit stops? I wish I had better solutions, but this seriously has to change.
Posted by: Doug | October 12, 2009 at 07:07 AM
One thing the league could do immediately is rip out the (really bad word) fuel knobs to at least make saving fuel more difficult/reliant on skill of the driver. I'm glad to see that it wasn't just me who thought the race was putrid. Given all the "exciting" talk elsewhere I thought it was just me. Always a possibility, to be sure.
Posted by: pressdog | October 12, 2009 at 07:19 AM
With you there Pressdog. If the driver wants to save fuel, let him use his foot!!
Posted by: Leigh O'Gorman | October 12, 2009 at 07:53 AM
I know why people want the fuel knobs out, but, watch Nword, lots of fuel milage races.
Posted by: Dylan | October 12, 2009 at 08:35 AM
I can't physically stomach discussing IndyCar right now, or else I'd impart some grand wisdom that only I'd find funny or insightful (and that would bring down the overall quality of your notes).
How do you say "burned out" in Porteguese? "Bom de" something, I presume?
Posted by: Roy Hobbson | October 12, 2009 at 04:37 PM
We'll just wait for the Kanaan Portuguese retweet on that one, Roy. I long ago turned to my good friend, Mr. Scotch. Skol.
Posted by: pressdog | October 12, 2009 at 04:38 PM
"One thing the league could do immediately is rip out the (really bad word) fuel knobs to at least make saving fuel more difficult/reliant on skill of the driver."
Whoa, that seems like such an....obvious thing to do! Would ANYTHING be lost from the experience if they took the knobs out? Would ANY tradition suffer? I don't think so.
Also, great point about the way Versus could have much more compellingly presented the final 50 laps. Though, I am afraid the Versus production in general really outdoes itself in relation to the product it shows.
Posted by: BC | October 12, 2009 at 08:43 PM
That was painful beyond belief. If I was a first time race viewer I'd never tune into a race again. Everyone except the top 3 cars slapped a big stamp on the race and mailed it in. Maybe they were under orders to save their equipment - because, of course, they'll be using it again next year. Spec racing is awesome! Then the eventual winner takes the race by going slower than the other two cars.
At one point Beekus said he had "goosebumps" anticipating the end of the race. For new race fans, it would have been better to say "ok folks, this isn't how racing is supposed to be. Please tune in again next year and give it another shot". The way it is, people might actually think that this race is representative of the IRL. Oh, wait... Never mind.
Posted by: Savage Henry | October 13, 2009 at 09:18 AM
For all the complaints I have about NASCAR, I'm real happy I'm a stockcar (as opposed to just NASCAR) fan these days... I occasionally tune in to Indycar, usually I fall asleep watching the races... I made the mistake of tuning into the Richmond race, because usually that's a no-brainer for a great race--boy was I wrong.
I don't know how any of the 78 fans Indycar has left even bother to watch. Something needs to change big time. Danica's the only thing holding this crap together, and thanks to the rules, AGR can't give her a car capable of winning anyway. The fact that she was the "best of the rest" all season makes it obvious.
Posted by: John | October 13, 2009 at 11:19 AM
Dear Dog, just curious..... Are you suggesting that you are the originator of the phrase, "light this candle"?
Posted by: Ken | October 14, 2009 at 04:42 AM
Yep. I though it up. If you google it, and you see all those other usages over the years, they're all LIES I tell you. LIES.
Posted by: pressdog | October 14, 2009 at 05:12 AM
P-dog, I watch the races each week from my team's pit, but always enjoy reading your race recaps when I get back home. The "none of your business" remarks make me laugh out loud every time.
Thanks for the regularly scheduled chuckle.
Posted by: Shari | October 14, 2009 at 08:36 AM
Ha....!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Alanshephardgrave.jpg
Posted by: Ken | October 14, 2009 at 11:14 AM
Thanks Shari. It makes me insane when TV doesn't tell us stuff that clearly is our business like, ah, say, for example WHO'S IN THE RACE or that Marco had a raging wheel fire in the pit.
Posted by: pressdog | October 14, 2009 at 01:42 PM