Notes taken during the VERSUS broadcast of the Indy Grand Prix of Alabama, Barber Motorsports Park, Leeds, Alabama, on April 11, 2010.
Welcome to Alabama where the Barber people have taken the innovative approach to creating great racing by building a beautiful facility. The beauty should, in fact, inspire the drivers to be exciting on the track. IndyCar advises everyone who wants them to race there to focus on landscaping.
Track-shmack. Have you seen the hydrangeas in turn seven? BREATHTAKING.
pressdog beer of the race is Saigon Export, brewed in Ho Chi Min City (screw that, comrade, it's SAIGON) Vietnam. Actually quite tasty.
Lindy Thackston in the Sky Lair! Viewing enhanced. Lindy is our hostess for the pre-game festivities, seated at a round, glass-topped table wearing an enormous wristwatch. Lindy later tweeted (@lindythackston) that her shoes were "new balance for 9 west" in response to the copious inquiries. LindyCar said she'll be the sky lair hostess for the rest of the season. I bet Arute's raucous rapper music and keg stands got him banned from the sky lair. That kind of behavior catches up with you after a while, Jack. Trust me. Or ask R. Hobbson about it.
Lindy comes out strong by calling Barber "Augusta-like." Beauty references require us all to DRINK, YE BASTARDS. If I drank for every mention of the INSANE BEAUTY during the IMS radio call during qualifying, I'd have been in an alcohol-induced coma by the Fast 6.
Will Power is leading everyone by a day in the points after winning the first two. There's a three-way tie for second between Justin Wilson, Dario Franchitti and Ryan Hunter-Reay.
Someone says "great venue." Close enough! I salute them with more Saigon export enjoyment. DRINK.
Circus moments recap. IZOD has apparently hired a woman who looks vaguely like Julia Roberts in an IZOD firesuit to stand in the shot during all interviews. Subtle. She's wearing mirrored shades, but she smiles a lot and does not looked smokin' PISSED, which disqualifies her to be in any company photo shoots.
Will Powers package. Demonstrates how to eat Vegemite. Treat it like salt on top of butter, he says. His brothers get air. Powers is a drummer as well.
Down to Robbie "Incredi" Buhl interviewing Charles Barkley, EJ Viso and the steering wheel. EJ looks a lot like a early afternoon snack next to Chuck. Who votes for a round of spirited gnome tossing right now? Sorry. I regret that one. Don't STAND BY IT. EJ may kick my flabby ass next time he sees me. I'd understand if he did.
HOLY EPICENTER OF POWER. Security Chief Charles gets monster air in the background. Charles is in charge of even the round mound of rebound, Charles Barkley. S.C. Charles: "Don't make me post you up, Charles." Order is being maintained. Security Chief Charles vaporizes two or three people who wander too close with his Chief Vision just to make an example of them. I hear S.C. Charles has said bloggers "taste like chicken." Just what I heard.
Note to Robbie: if you interview someone, the goal is to let the interviewee actually talk and not bogart the mic. We get maybe five words from Charles as Robbie jerks the mic around. Nice.
To the track for the command. Disappointed it's not Chuck Barkley. George Barber, Czar of the region, gives the command. "Ladies. Gentlemen. Y'all start those engines."
Rows are hot. We're rolling. Elizabeth Cannon, PR Princess for Dreyer & Reinbold, gets monster air. Her drivers are Mike Conway and Justin Wilson, yet she's engaged to Will Power. Crazy. Word to Elizabeth who sends me news releases often throughout the week. She has the driver wife thing down already with the shades, hair bun, gold. Striking.
Starting lineup brought to by Trackside Online, a fan-supported racing news service. TSO had people on the ground at gorgeous Barber kicking out info right and left. You should be like pressdog and subscribe to Trackside Online immediately.
Will Power, Mike Conway, Helio Castroneves, Marco Andretti, Scott Dixon, Takuma Sato, Dario Franchitti, Tony Kanaan, Ryan Briscoe, EJ Viso, Justin Wilson, Mario Moraes, Simona de Silvestro, Ryan Hunter-Reay, Graham Rahal, Alex Lloyd, Hideki Mutoh, Raphael Matos, Danica Patrick, Vitor Meira, Alex Tagliani, Mario Romancini, Dan Wheldon, Milka Duno, Bertrand Baguette.
Yo yo yo and a huge shout out to my peeps in the Versus B-Unit (which creates all the graphics for the broadcast). Copious weeping and breathing into a bag for y'all's fabulousness. Look for me to crash the trailer at Indy qualifying, Iowa (pork chops on me!) or Chicagoland.
Danica Patrick is in this race. I swear. No mentions of her so far and she is NOT carrying a camera on her car. I think this is the first race maybe EVER that there is no Danica onboard camera. Hmmmmm. Wonder what is up with that. Is IndyCar trying to ease back on the Danica Dependency in anticipation of her full bolt to N-word? Discuss.
We're two wide. Let's light this candle. We're ... green green green.
No circus music through turn 1. Get comfortable. I think this will be a yellow-free parade unless someone dozes off and spins it.
Ruh-roe. The IHJ (steward Brian Barnhart) spaketh that Dixon jumped the start. Inhaling before the line on a restart is against the rules as carved into stone on Mount Sinai by the finger of God (the IHJ). Dixon has to give up two spots that the IHJ ruleth he hath taken in violation of the commandments. Actual radio message to Dixon here.
No hat? (Running order at the top of the screen.) Where's my hat? I'm lost without the hat.
Dixon lets the offended parties, Helio and someone else I failed to note, back buy him on various straights. These do NOT count as passes, really, although Versus/IndyCar will use them in the "overtaking" stats to try and convince us this race was, in fact, is a festival of passing.
We have the hat, but I have no idea what lap we are on now. Lap number is not in the hat. Why? Because it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS what lap we are on.
Bob Jenkin's, booth dude, tells me that it is lap 3. Thanks for throwing me a bone, Bob. Still no lap on the hat.
Jack Arute, who will spend the race out of his firesuit, says each car has 20 pushes of the "overtake assist" button which juices the engine with about 9 or 10 HP for I think 12 seconds, then takes 10 seconds to recycle. If IndyCar wants to be relevant to the motoring public, they should work with a KERS (Kinetic Energy Recovery) system like F1 abandoned last year. It's roughly the same system that's used on hybrid cars wherein kinetic energy wasted under braking or coasting is stored in a battery and later shot to a small electric motor which supplements the gas engine. Beautiful. I know "in this economy, we can't afford to change anything. Maybe sometime in 2021."
Power leads, by the way. Lock step through the first few turns and laps. No idea what lap we are on now. Again, none of my personal business. Replay of Dixon jumping the start. May not have actually passed the second car (Helio) by the line, but it's close, and the IHJ has spaketh, so let no man question his authoritay.
We got major pop ups and stuff all over the screen right now. Little Darios talking to me about being a right-sexy wee bastard. The B-Unit has been working overtime. It's OK, because there's nothing going on on the track, but the boxes and graphics do get in the way of the GORGEOUS scenery, though.
Robbie Buhl says we're 8 laps in. Thanks Robbie for pitching me another bone. Pit window is open and Tagliani says "don't mind if I do."
Finally we get lap counter on the hat. Viewing (as well as note taking) greatly enhanced.
Lap 9 -- Robbie Floyd says "hauling bou-tay" on air. Beer spew here. I think he was saying Tags has a clear track after his stop so he'll be going supersonic.
Lap 10 -- Wheldon pits, Romancini pits. Lap 11 -- Tony pits.
Yellow yellow yellow. Sato is toast on the track. Not sure why. No spin just died. And, can I just say, that the INCREDIBLE BEAUTY of Sato's Lotus car has been almost as spewed over by everyone as the BREATHTAKING BEAUTY of Barber. This Lotus car has everyone thinking impure thoughts, I swear. Not sure how they managed to do that, but the Lotus car is GORGEOUS, or so I'm told repeatedly. Too bad it's also unsponsored (blank sidepod) and now ... dead. OF COURSE this is a full-course yellow. There is no other type of yellow in IndyCar.
So now, what to do? What to do? PIT? Or stay out? Hmmmm. This qualifies as excitement for a twisty like Barber. Power pits. Dice roll. So does Conway in P2. Conway may have beat Power out. Replays ... NO. Power gets out first by about five inches. Insert much decrying the unfairness of assigning pit stalls by points here.
Lap 14 under yellow -- Helio, Andretti, Dixon, Franchitti, De Silvestro (!), Lloyd, Matos, Meira, Patrick, Tony. Everyone except Tony has not pitted.
Lap 15 -- Power back out of the pits in P 14 with Conway and Briscoe behind him. I notice here that Milka is still in the race, and not dead last due to Sato's vapor lock on the track. Nutty!
GREEN -- Holy shit. Marco is looking to PASS FOR THE LEAD. Insert beer spew here. Turn 5 is The Passing Zone on this track and Marco dives under Helio .... CLEAR ... then makes himself wide to hip check Helio out onto the beautiful Alabama dirt and prevent the re-pass. Very slide-job-esque. Pass for the lead, on camera. I'm in shock here.
Lap 19 -- Romancini is holding everyone up. Traveling at the speed of smell. Pulling a major train (hey, minds out of the gutter, please).
Simona is P5, Danica is P9. Simona radios that she'll send the flight attendant back to coach when she gets a chance to see if Danica needs any peanuts or three-ounce cups of water.
Taylor Hicks gets air. Monster air for Simona here. She speaks FIVE languages.
Lap 23 -- Briscoe tries on Conway. NO.
Lap 24 -- Danica gets air. First extended air of the day for Danistar. Times they are a changing. Simona may be the new spokesmodel for the league. Fascinating. You cannot accuse Versus of favoring Danica any longer (if they ever did, which they didn't). Certainly come a long way since the days of Todd Harris screaming "SALLY RIDE OF RACING" into the mic every time Danica leads during a pit cycle.
In a Key West bar, Todd, hurls empty Red Stripe bottles at the TV and screams "Madame Curie of racing!" before passing out.
Festival of lock step and pitting right here. I may have dozed off. I think Tagliani actually passed Wheldon right in here. Marco pits in here, so does Dario.
Lap 30 -- Dixon in and out. We need a good pit-out camera position that we can go to whenever someone leaves the pits, since that's where the passing occurs. So we got to the pit out camera and the announcers tell us who is coming and if the pittee will beat the person on the track out. But no. We get all kinds of wild ass shots and when we do go to pit out the booth guys are talking about reds or blacks or whatever. Extremely annoying.
Robbie gives Dixon props for freakishly fast in and out laps on Twisties.
Lap 31 -- Helio pits. Two laps later than Marco. That's bad for Marco, even though he cycles back to the lead.
More lockstep. Jack throws in a mention of Butler losing the NCAA championship. Thanks for opening that wound again. Like the NCAA, it appears the super powers of racing are going to win this one, again, barring some flukish circus event. Exciting!
Lap count is once again NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
Floyd with Kyle Moyer, Marco strategiest. Says they need some yellow to make it on one more stop.
Jack says something about "two stop strategy" that includes a bunch of S words and I have no idea what he is saying. "Esoteric" doesn't start with an "s", but it should.
Lap 38 -- More people pit. Insert much detailed and nuanced discussion of strategy here. I miss most of it because it's like listening to two super fans debate over tire management and pit windows. Dudes. Hope you are enjoying it, because I'm at the fridge getting another beer. I recorded it. See if you can make anything out of it.
Vitor and Raffa go two-wide for a while. What lap this is continues to be none of my business. Raffa taps Tags, who dirt-tracks it. Get 'er done!
Lap 40 (Lap count is back on the hat! Kill the fatted calf!) Marco, Helio, Dixon, Power, Franchitti, Wheldon, Conway, Briscoe, Wilson.
Power may be coming in. Power pits. Blacks. Back out. Conway in too. Gets reds. Conway dives in front of Vitor at pit out.
Marco has 1.6 seconds on Helio, but we're going to have another set of stops, so simmer down.
For P16, we're onboard RHR behind Danica. Helio is all up in Andretti's business, looking to force an error. I'm afraid you've had your one overtake for the lead, kids.
Milka gets high-lowed on a road track. That's a pretty good trick.
Simona is P5 with pitting. Mutoh goes off, mows grass, back on. Moyer thinks there should have been a full course yellow for that. The IHJ was probably reaching for the yellow button.
Danica and EJ pass and repass on Lap NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Lap 51 -- Marco, Helio, Dixon, Franchitti, De Silvestro, Power, Kanaan, Conway, Briscoe, Lloyd.
Mike Cannon of Simona's posse says they need some yellow or she'll have to pit.
Lap 55 -- Replay of Wilson inhaling Lloyd in Turn 5.
Lap 57 -- Marco has to pit. Pit window appears to be about 30 laps. 30+57=87. 90-87=3 laps short. Andretti starts chanting for a yellow.
Lap 59 -- Rahal gets monster air for Dollar General and Sarah Fisher Racing. Wilson looking at Briscoe. Milka gets high-lowed AGAIN. She's providing some excitement, at least.
My wife is now asleep on the couch.
Dario pits. Mrs. pressdog is missing the gripping excitement of Dario pitting. Jon Beekhuis says Dario will probably be two laps short.
Lap 61 -- Pitting. Helio in. Out. Back of Marco, but Marco can't go the distance without yellow help. Helio went THREE laps farther than Marco on that stint. It's all about saving fuel, young Jedi. Speed important it is not. Wilson is working on Conway. All up in his business. Inside into turn 5. CLEAR. Wilson inhales Conway for P7. Robbie resumes breathing in the booth since both those cars are his team.
Replay of Power performing an exciting pit stop. He's out in P8 and also screwed. Not even Will Power can inhale three cars that don't have to pit in 27 laps. Penske wasn't perfect in the pit strategy today.
Milka does some off roading here. Insert Moyer hoping for full-course yellow. NO. Andretti team is chanting and hurling severed chicken feet onto the track hoping for a yellow.
23 to go. Arute says Dixon in P3 could go the distance.
22 to go. Lloyd goes off roadin' NO YELLOW. Moyer is having a stroke in the pits. Replay of Danica and Lloyd smacking each other. Much tire rubbin'. Moyer wants someone to PLEASE get mental and cause the full-course yellow. Moyer, you'll recall, is the strategist who rolled the dice and came up box cars and got Danica her fuel mileage win at Snoretegi.
18 to go -- Rahal about to be lapped. Not movin' over for Marco, though. Your yellow flags are useless. Marco may be tucked in behind Rahal to save fuel, though. Jenkins declares this to be the first race on US soil. St. Pete is apparently part of Cuba.
Jenkins says we're going to IndyCar Non-Stop (which is the picture-in-picture thing where you see commercials and the race together) but we're not. Bob is clearly in the whiskey up in the booth.
Robbie says "get the power down" twice in a row, so DRINK, BITCHES. Pretty surprised we haven't had more exclamations of beauty about the track during the race.
12 to go. Moyer says we need three laps of yellow to make it. Takes the blame for bad pit strategy. Gets deserved shout outs from the booth peeps on being a stand-up guy and taking the blame.
Milka continues to add flair to this race by being viciously inhaled. (Graham Rahal is looking better and better to Sarah Fisher who probably can sympathize with Milka.)
Lap 82 -- Marco pits. Insert blizzard of American swearing here. The lap he is pitting on is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. (I had to check the lap chart after the race) Hat spasm is on something else right now, not the lap of the race. Awesome. Gets a splash and goes. He's SCREWED no matter what now. Back out in P5.
Helio will win barring air strike.
Lap 83 (checked the lap chart) -- Helio, Dixon, Dario, Power, Marco, Briscoe, Tony, Wilson, Tony, Conway, Tagliani.
Helio inhales Rahal who may have moved over for him. Now he moves over for Dixon in P2. Once you're inhaled by the leader, you should move over for P2 etc.
6 to go -- Jenkins says the IHJ radioed to Matos (a lap down) to get over.
Simona is ass around. Insert Danica chortling here. No yellow yet. Now she seems to have stalled it perpendicular on the track. Yellow coming here, and full course for sure. Danica radios to Simona: "neutral is that little white button on the steering wheel." Later Simona tweeted that she accidentally went into first gear and that, of course, will make you go ass around every time.
Yellow yellow yellow. SAFETY CAR. Marco has to be f-bombing. Three laps earlier and the yellow saves him in a Snorenoma-like fashion. Where's Brian Herta when you need him (again)?
This is a two-lap yellow because they are replanting some BEAUTIFUL shrubbery or something, I guess. How long does it take to get a stalled car restarted and underway?
Restart. Dixon all up in Helio's business. Pretty much his only chance is to get him is on the restart.
GREEN. Helio is on it. No jumping Helio on the restart. Game over. Jack reports that both drivers are mashing the button. It's a festival of button pushing.
What flag. Power looks under Dario into turn 5. NO. Settle for P4. Lock step it to the finish, boys.
Helio wins. Fences are climbed. Third straight for Penske. Have the Big Two become the Big One? Dixon second, Dario third (not two laps short, huh Jon?)
Trackside Online finishing order: Helio Castroneves Scott Dixon Dario Franchitti, Will Power, Marco Andretti, Ryan Briscoe, Justin Wilson, Tony Kanaan, Mike Conway, Alex Tagliani, Dan Wheldon, Ryan Hunter-Reay, Mario Moraes, Raphael Matos, Hideki Mutoh, EJ Viso, Graham Rahal, Vitor Meira, Danica Patrick, Bertrand Baguette, Simona de Silvestro, Mario Romancini, Alex Lloyd, Milka Duno, Takuma Sato.
Dixon tells Floyd they got screwed on the restart call. (John Barnes, we miss you're "WE GOT SCREWED" into Jamie Little microphone.)
Much discussion about how it's all about strategy, which is what race fans tune in for. Strategy. IZOD considers changing tag line to "Best strategy drivers on earth." Power said he didn't anticipate people being so slow in the back.
Nobody interviews Milka, who finished the race, so let's go to the news release!
“Barber was a step forward for Milka in her first full year of road course events,” commented Dale Coyne. “We are happy that our efforts showed marked improvements here at Barber as we lay our plans for the rest of the road courses this season.”
“We’ve all been working really hard and I can’t say enough about Dale Coyne and his organization. We started this season with a severe handicap with regard to the amount of pre-season testing we were able to do on non-oval courses – so we’re doing our best to overcome that,” said Duno. “We made a decision to focus on preparing the car for the race, and not so much on our qualifying set-up, and it was a good decision for us. We’ve still got Long Beach ahead of us – and we’ll be working very hard for that race as well.”
Expectations for the Barber race were so low that one pass for the lead and a few others in turn 5 elevated this to "a lot of passing" in Jenkins' book. Too bad the results were based on pit strategy and not inhalation on the track. The guy who managed to pass for the lead (Marco) got done in by bad pit strategy caused by not saving enough fuel. Dammit Marco. You drove too hard! But, really, that's what viewing audiences want -- pit strategy and announcers focusing on blacks, reds, two-stop, three-stop, yellow laps blah blah blah. Looking forward to more at gorgeous Long Beach.
That's it from Barber where IndyCar has declared victory and gone home. I appreciate all the "twisties are real racing" comments I'll get, but about now I'm like a carnivore forced to each salad for five weeks. I'm banging my head on our lovely Purgo kitchen floor out of raw jonesing for an oval. You know ... speeds north of 200 mph. Can IndyCars even go 200 mph any more? Average speed at Barber was an INSANE 106.4 mph. Take that, NASCAR! Insert Robin Miller here screaming about the RAW DANGER of such speeds.
The peeps turned out to watch, so you gotta give them props for that. Check out what the locals thought of the race HERE.
Tune in Sunday, April 18, 3:30 p.m. Eastern on VERSUS for Long Beach.
Good post. I always laugh when I read these. I couldn't disagree with your take on the race much more, but I am in the "road courses are real racing" camp. I only started watching on lap 15. I counted 32 passes on the tv. It wasn't a parade. The race replays on Versus today if you want to see it again! I disagree with you, but I respect your opinion.
We do agree that Milka getting passed on both sides twice was a joke.
Posted by: Stephen_P83 | April 12, 2010 at 10:36 AM
I don't count lapping a backmarker; I count passing for position. And we saw it yesterday. (hooray)
Posted by: Brian McKay | April 12, 2010 at 11:19 AM
P-Dog, I think you need to arrange for an interview with Security Chief Charles. If you dare...
Posted by: Travis R | April 12, 2010 at 01:15 PM
in honor of your beer of the race, I now recite the opening line of Apocalypse Now: "Saigon....sh**"
Posted by: H. B. Donnelly | April 12, 2010 at 01:36 PM
It was fun to see Marco running around in front all day. I can't say I'm a fan but it was fun to think about somebody else taking the checkers for a change of pace. He even made his pass on the track.
There was much cursing and bottle throwing when it became clear that he wasn't going to make it on fuel. One check of the hat showed Penske, Ganassi, Ganassi, Penske, Penske behind him.
Posted by: Savage Henry | April 12, 2010 at 01:59 PM
Saigon alcohol ... NOW WITH 25% MORE COBRA ADRENAL GLANDS!!!
I have nothing else to add, really. (That says it all.) Top-shelf recap though.
Posted by: Roy Hobbson | April 12, 2010 at 07:19 PM
Didn't enjoy the race at all. It was a fuel miliage win, no talent required! Passing? Yeah, right. A couple times. But, could Andretti work back up? Could Power or Conway? How hard was it to lap cars? So, yeah, about the passing.
Most likely any new fans watching on TV for the first time left, and in a hurry.
Basicly it was Indycar becomimg F1/Champcar, which well, isn't a good thing. It's not like there are any other tracks that could host a spring Indycar race, right?
Watching the MotoGP between 4-5 didn't enhance my Indycar viewing... Actual passing, non fuel based drama, and drivers who had seemed to care about getting the best possible finishes (Hayden). You couldn't rely on fuel to get you through!
Your right, I'm ready for an oval! But, to be fair, from Kansas on, Indycar hits a large oval strech, and they do end the season with 3 ovals, well, two ovals and Motegi.
Posted by: Dylan | April 12, 2010 at 08:14 PM
Hang in there p-dog.
We'll get to the ovals in a little while and none to soon.
I do miss Homestead and Phoenix (a couple of Springtime venues)along with several of the ovals we used to watch.
What is the deal with losing Milwaukee after almost a hundred years?
Posted by: ramblinman | April 12, 2010 at 09:04 PM
Sorry, I miised the part in this recap where Johnny & The Duke predicted this outcome 2 years ago.
Just saying
Posted by: Duke | April 12, 2010 at 09:50 PM
I thought The Masters was great television this weekend.
Americans competing at the top of the leaderboard. THE BEST golfers, all of whom EARNED their way there, going after it. Nobody bought their way into Augusta.
The IRL race? Barely watched any of it and only casually had the radio on to listen to Mike and the boys try and stay awake. Not compelling TV and a boring-ass race track. The first real race of the year is in Kansas in early May. These first 4 are just exhibitions of pitting, fuel saving, red/black tires and "pretty scenery". That my friend, is NOT what got people interested in motor racing.
IZOD's slogan (which is a crock) about "the fastest drivers on earth" doesn't cut the mustard. Not when you have run close to 20% of your races, and still haven't run a lap over 130 MPH yet. People drive faster on interstates at 3:00 AM, then you do at Barber.
Posted by: Jim Bob | April 12, 2010 at 11:56 PM
Twisties: Skill level 90, bravery 10
Roundy-rounds: Skill level 10, bravery 90.
Don't believe me? Take some racing courses.
Posted by: S0CSeven | April 13, 2010 at 09:55 AM
Well, I saw a good deal of passing, but then again I watched the heli-cam feed from indycar.com
Quite enjoyable my end, although if they tightened up one of two corners, it'd be better.
Actually reminds me of some of the classic F1 tracks from the 70's and 80's.
Posted by: Leigh O'Gorman | April 13, 2010 at 01:58 PM
Disagree with SOCSeven on those skill/bravery levels. The skills on an oval, dancing with disaster (no runoff areas) and responding appropriately to a car stepping out, and the bravery to do it when you're traveling over 100 yards per second, is more like 50/50. Road courses I'd say are skill 60, bravery 40...that is, if you drive at the front of the field...and yes, I've driven on both (though not at those speeds on an oval).
Posted by: Mike R | April 13, 2010 at 04:26 PM
I was in attendance at Barber (and St. Pete for that matter...and I'll be at Kansas too!) aand I can say that Barber really is a great facility that makes mid-ohio look like a dump. The camera truly does not do the place justice, and it was a "proper motor race" to watch in person w/a big crowd...and for the record, I do like the twisties.
Posted by: Racewknd | April 13, 2010 at 06:14 PM
I agree w/Leigh...the 9-10-11 complex have a bit of Eau Rouge feel to them.
Posted by: Racewknd | April 13, 2010 at 06:16 PM