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The Orange Cone Opines on #Hothoneys and Jet Dryers, Shills Shirts

The Orange Cone

 Leading into the biggest racing weekend of the year I sat down with (or squatted next to) my buddy The Orange Cone, the iCONIC (see what I did there?) Twitter phenomenon. (Follow The Cone here.)

This is my third interview with Coney. The first was in September 2011 when he first burst onto the scene and contains a bit of a Cone bio. Read it here. The second was in October 2012 when we talked about #asskickingofalifetime and his "huge" 23,000 Twitter followers. Read it here.

In this edition, Mr. Cone has ballooned to more than 52,000 followers, yet remains humble and focused on what's improtant, that being #hothoneys.

Schatz Carves Through the Field to Win 2013 Knoxville Nationals

Donny Schatz celebrates his 2013 Knoxville Nationals title with fans. (Photo courtesy Knoxvilleraces.com)

In 2012, Brian Brown could have used two more laps in the Knoxville National’s championship race. In 2013, he would have preferred the distance was 10 laps shorter.

In both 2012 and 2013, Brown finished second to Donny Schatz, who Saturday won his seventh Knoxville National's championship in eight years. In 2013 Schatz found yet another way to win, coming from his 21st-place start  to pass Brown for the lead in just 41 laps.

Maintining Order and Snark, it's The Orange Cone

He's orange, and he's a cone, yet The Orange Cone (@theOrangeCone) has captured a loyal following on Twitter with his snarky NASCAR race commentary and incessant invitations to a #hottubparty. Known for insightful analysis such as ..

... it's time for The Cone to join Simona DeSilvestros's car, Pork Chop, and the Firestone Firehawk in the pressdog® non-human Hall of Fame ...

IndyCar Headquarters Swamped with Balloon Enthusiasts

Indianapolis police struggled to clear an estimated 32 hot air balloon enthusiasts from the parking lot at IndyCar headquarter Wednesday after an apparent case of "miscommunication."

"We had call from IndyCar that their lot was packed with fifth-wheel trailers and that some of the drivers were starting to unload giant wicker-looking baskets," said Indianapolis Police Capt. Buford T. Ticketwriter. "So we responded and it turns out they were hot air balloon enthusiasts who had gotten the wrong message."

IndyCar Headquarters Reportedly Overrun by Insurance Salespersons

Indianapolis news stations are reporting that the IndyCar headquarters has been overrun by insurance salespeople.

"We got brief cases and suits and ties everywhere" said one harried TV reporter as two well suited agents began beating each other with briefcases in the background. "Ever since IndyCar's Randy Bernard started tossing insurance policies around in public, headquarters has been overrun with certified underwriters."

The mob scene apparently broke out shortly after Bernard announced a second huge cash payout that would be funded by an insurance policy.

Last year Bernard offered $20 million to anyone who could win the Indy 500 AND NASCAR's Coke 600 on the same day. It's common for such huge prizes -- from a car won for a hole-in-one to $20M for winning a race -- to be funded by insurance policies.

Riot Police Briefly Surround IMS as People "Lose Their Shit" for No Apparent Reason

Indianapolis police briefly secured the massive Indianapolis Motor Speedway Wednesday after a group of Tweeters and bloggers "lost their shit" and tried to form a human chain at the main entrance to the speedway.

"TONY GEORGE WAS APPOINTED TO THE BOARD OF HIS FAMILY COMPANY," one blogger screamed through a megaphone. "BE SURE TO READ MY POST ON IT SOON."

Bernard Flies to New York, Ignores Rhododendrons

Racing insiders were aghast to learn via IBJ The Score Thursday that IndyCar CEO Randy Bernard jetted to New York recently without landscaping on his agenda.

"We're not sure why Randy would fly all the way to New York, ostensibly on a business trip, and not tour the local nurseries and botanical gardens," said an Indy insider. "After all, we've pretty much established that there's a direct correlation between how incredibly GORGEOUS a facility is and how much money IndyCar makes long term."

Instead, IBJ The Score reports that Bernard spent the last few days talking to the Versus television network about how to improve ratings. He also made a stop at ESPN studios.

Compressed Schedule to Force Target, Penske to Dominate Sooner

Leaders of Target Chip Ganassi and Penske racing said Saturday that the compressed Indy schedule would force them to lay down the bitchslap sooner than normal.

"We've had to make some adjustments as to the time when we make it clear that everyone else has no chance to win this thing," said a TCG team official who declined to be named. "Usually we're 4 mph faster than everyone by lap 10 of opening day (today). With the compressed schedule we'll probably have to move that up to lap 4."

Pippa Mann's Car to Get New Seat to Accommodate "Huge Cojones"

Firestone Indy Lights driver Pippa Mann will get a new seat in her car in the next few days to make room for "cojones mas grande."

Insiders said Friday night the move came after Mann went head to head and side-by-side with various competitors during practice for the Freedom 100 at Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

Pippa herself threw fuel on the fire by tweeting (@pippamann) "One of the spotters told my spotter that we need to make me a new seat. They think my "balls" are too big for my current one...(!!!!!) ;)"

NASCAR Knows it's Good to Have a Rivalry That's ON LIKE DONKEY KONG

NASCAR is getting monster press off of their close finish at Talladega yesterday, and the growing RIVALRY between teammates Jimmy Johnson and Jeff Gordon. (Read about it here.)

Coming this weekend, a pressdog invades Kansas Speedway to elbow real journalists out of the media center buffet line and investigate the brewing (we hope) rivalry between Simona de Silvestro and Danica Patrick, as interpreted above by the raw genius of Will McCarty of isitmayyet.com. RUSH  to Will's site NOW and view the additional photoshop wonderment. 

Could Sarah Fisher be the third Han Solo in on this rivalry fight as we head to ovals? Here's hopin' we hear a lot of THIS during the race at Kansas.