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R. Hobbson Leads Mongol Pagoda Hoard to Pillage VERSUS.com

Fear and trepidation over at Versus.com today with word that pressdog's beloved Roy Hobbson has scored some kind of gig to be a guest poser thereon. 

VERSUS CEO to the hapless Internet boss who made the deal with Hobbson: "You did WHAT? May God have mercy on our souls."

Me: "Father, forgive them, for they know  not what they do. RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!"

Hobbson, among the most formidable and hilarious voices in the blogdom, will answer YOUR questions on VERSUS. The Versus I.T. department better have server fire extinguisher equipment standing by, because the traffic will be bigger than Tenderloin Sale Day at IMS.

What you need to do is RUSH NOW to the Silent Pagoda (click here, DAMMIT) and get the skinny on it all. 

R. Hobbson, you'll recall, was the guy with stones large enough to compare the DeltaWing to a certain part of Chip Ganassi. PLUS, pressdog has learned IndyCar.com has become somewhat cool on their semi-official relationship with the Silent Pagoda.

Well, fair enough. VERSUS knows traffic when they see it. So follow Sgt. pressdog over there and ... let's light this candle.

IndyCar Advises Baseball to "Come Up with a More Relevant Ball" to Cure Rich vs. Poor Team Woes

Reacting to a real story in USA Today Friday, IndyCar officials counseled baseball to "develop a breakthrough, more relevant ball" as a way to combat growing team disparity.

The article details the yawning chasm between teams with huge payrolls (New York Yankees $206.3 million, Boston Red Sox $162.4 million) and those with relatively tiny payrolls (Pittsburgh Pirates $34.9 million, Oakland Athletics $51.6 million).

Insiders Worry Bernard Doesn't Know His Place

IndyCar insiders have launched an organization-wide search for "the individual who has some splainin' to do" about new IndyCar CEO Randy Bernard's "failure to get the memo."

"It seemed very clear to us," said an insider who asked not to be named, "as to what the CEO's duties entailed, and yet this former rodeo boss has clearly gone rogue. WAY off message. Obviously he didn't get the memo."

Among the chief complaints among IndyCar deadwood is Bernard's incessant use of the f-word (fans). Take this 100% real nugget from Bruce Martin of Sports Illustrated online:

IndyCar Sends out Search Party for Tony George and his Checkbook

The scene inside IZOD IndyCar Series headquarters has grown increasingly chaotic as league officials search frantically for Tony George and his checkbook to help stave off "the racing apocalypse."

"I see locusts outside the windows -- more and more of them -- and they look real hungry, man," said one panicked IndyCar staffer. "We need to find Tony and his checkbook muy pronto or we're all just a walking locust buffet."

Officials Deny Existence of "Operation Danica Thinks You're Fat"

Officials say they are excited by the prospect of a real rivalry for the first time in years in the IndyCar series but denied their enthusiasm has gone so far to birth an idea like "Operation Danica Thinks You're Fat."

"There's no evidence," said one IndyCar official, "none that we can find anyway, to support the theory that there's some kind of clandestine plan to get Danica Patrick, Sarah Fisher, Simona De Silvestro and perhaps Milka Duno to seriously hate each other."

Silent Pagoda Offers Fifth IndyCar Chassis Design

pressdog.com has learned that the engineers of The SilentPagoda LLC plan to unveil a fifth contender for the 2012 IndyCar very soon. Building on DeltaWing LLC's chief designer's statement that the open wheels cause 54% of the car's aero drag, SilentPagoda LLC's breakthrough conquers that hurdle in a futuristic package.

Check the story and some secret photos of the prototype HERE.

Elements Quietly Working Toward IndyConcept Series

Elements within the IndyCar paddock are quietly working toward creating an "IndyConcept Series," according to several unnamed sources.

"It's a real development, and I expect Robin Miller to have a story on it shortly," said one source who met in a parking garage in Indianapolis Thursday.

The effort came to light after team owner Chip Ganassi, a driving force behind the "owner-backed" Delta Wing group, said the Delta Wing car (above) unveiled Feb. 10 was actually a "concept, not a car."

IndyCar Not Concerned with "More Fun, More Money" Scenario

On the morning after Danica Patrick declared driving a stock car super fun, IndyCar officials said they didn't see boring predictability as a threat to their sport.

Even as IndyCar officials hope that Danica will bring fans from NASCAR over to IndyCar as she flips back and forth this season, observers wonder of Danica might just open the flood gates the other way.

Something Called a "Neffry" Adds Comic Stylings to Renegade Panther Racing Site

Panther Racing -- already on double-secret probation for Humor Unbecoming the Cancer-Level Serious Pursuit of Racing -- has lobbed a giant F-YOU grenade at the humor haters (and they are legion) by posting the comic stylings of Neffry Aawg.

With a name only a parole officer could understand, Neffry presents Neffry's Nuggets including his Tomas Scheckter Twitter translator.

According to the stylish, one-page neffry.com, Mr. Aawg is a professional humor person, even though I've been told many times humor is unprofessional.

Rumors Swirl About Third Car in IndyCar Replacement Derby

Early Tuesday a rumor surfaced that there's a third player in the derby to design the next generation IndyCar.

pressdog.com has learned that the third car -- joining the Dallara update and so-called "radical delta wing" edition -- is rumored to be made from a revolutionary new alloy.